Reducing Stress

Over the past few months, since I was diagnosed with RA, several things have happened:

1. I have been on Methotrexate since the middle of August. We have upped my prescription twice, and I am now at the "full" dose for RA. It has been making my hair fall out, so I have also upped my Folic Acid and I am using keratin fibers to "fill in" the thin spots for my vanity.

2. I went back to teaching (part time) at the end of August. I love being back in the classroom. I am so thankful to be teaching only part time, so that I can take the time I need to adequately prepare at a pace that is not too strenuous for me.

3. Leif had a second surgery to repair his ACL. This caused some stress, which caused an RA flare up.

4. I have continued to eat gluten- and dairy-free and have no desire to return to life as it was before.

5. I have learned things about myself and my disease and am working with my rheumatologist to find a lasting balance that will keep my symptoms in check.

6. I am at the lowest weight I have been in the last 3 years!

REDUCING STRESS

I am convinced that some of my weight loss is because I have had to make a conscious effort to reduce stress in my life.

I don't have a social life any more, at least not one that has any resemblance to the life I had before. I have one small group of friends who come over on Thurdays and we have have a book study together. Right now we are reading "Breaking Bad Habits; Making Good Habits" by Joyce Meyer. It's a good read. I recommend it.

I don't really find myself craving food any more, since I cut gluten and dairy out of my diet. I have started working, so I find myself eating less because I'm focused on the lessons I'm teaching and preparing.

I have stopped exercising, mostly because Jazzercise no longer fits into the schedule I keep. I'd like to find an exercise routine that will fit into my schedule. I think it will help my joints and it will keep my stress levels down, both of which will help my RA.

I now only have time for God, family, and work. This means that I am better able to focus on God, family, and work.

I now have a daily / weekly schedule that I keep. It's a schedule that is working well for me and working well for Eliana. I have freedom with a part time schedule, but also have the structure that I have wanted for so long. So does Eliana.

So... how do I reduce my stress levels? First off, stress reduction is no longer a luxury; it is a necessity if I want to manage my RA symptoms. Stress actually makes me hurt. It flares up my immune system, which in turn attaks my joints. It's one thing to know that stress is bad for me; it's another thing to feel the pain stress causes. I know that if I stay up too late, I will hurt the next day. If I do too many things in a week, I will hurt the next few days. If I let situations get to me and get stressed out about them, I will have a flare up. If I procrastinate on my work and leave it until the last moment, it causes me physical pain. So instead of doing these things, I ....

1) Plan ahead. I plan my clothes for the week. I plan Eliana's clothes for the week. I make Eliana's lunches ahead of time. I keep food in my desk drawer so I am prepared if I forget. I plan out my lessons ahead of time so that I don't have that weekly task hanging over my shoulders. I plan ahead and avoid procrastinating.

2) I take one moment at a time. I am working on not "borrowing trouble from tomorrow." This means pushing things that worry me out of my mind and focusing at the task at hand until it is time to focus on the things I can do about my worries. It means I give my full attention to my students when I am teaching instead of trying to answer their questions and grade or write lessons at the same time. It means savoring the moment I am in and enjoying the present.

3) I go to sleep. I am still not the most consistent about bedtimes, but I am much more consistent than I was three months ago. I do not have the luxury of sleeping in any longer. As a result, I make a point to go to bed earlier.

4) I do my laundry on a schedule. Granted, that schedule is one weekend a month, but I know when I am going to do the laundry, so even if the basket is overflowing I do not feel the burden of the laundry because I know that now is not the time. Until, of course, it is time. Then laundry is about the only thing I get done over the weekend.

5) I say "no" to friends and activities that I would like to do. Sometimes other activities trump the "fun" ones. I don't apologize for not being able to attend every party or baby shower or get together any more. I would like to go. I could go.  But the pain is not worth the momentary pleasure of a coffee date or party. So I have to say no. A lot. And I'm sure I have a lot of friends who feel like I have abandoned them. I hope they know I have not. But I'm also not stressing over whether they feel deprived of my company, because that, too, would cause me pain. :) Stress is not worth it.

6) I take more baths. Baths allow me to relax, sit still, and soak my aching joints. In fact, I'm in the bath right now typing this, because they also let me mentally relax and give me the opportunity to think.

I have prayed for years for balance. It seems like I am finally getting the answer to that prayer, though I never thought it would come in the form of RA. But I am learning balance. Thank you, Father!

I have Rheumatoid Arthritis.

Yep. It's true. When all my labs came back negative from my GP, she referred me to a rheumatologist. My reheumatologist did an exam, more labs, and more xrays. And I have Rheumatoid Arthritis.

I'm thankful to have an answer.

I'm thankful to be able to start treatment to slow the progression of the disease before any real damage is done so the damage can be delayed.

I'm thankful for a quick diagnosis. Sometimes it takes a couple years to diagnose.

I'm thankful that low impact exercise helps loosen my joints.

I'm thankful that this disease will make me slow down and take life at a slower pace.

I am thankful that the medication used to treat this disease most likely won't make me gain weight.

I'm thankful that my broken body will reveal God's glory.

I am thankful for this disease.

6 month check up

Looks like it's been about 6 months since I blogged here. The last blog post pretty much sums up the last 6 months. I had my sleep study: I have sleep apnea. I now have a CPAP I lovingly named Fergie. I'm still tired. I still hurt. I did a candida cleanse because I thought I had a candida yeast overgrowth. I'm pretty sure I did. The cleanse took care of that. I'm still tired. I still hurt. As part of the cleanse I cut out all gluten and dairy (and a host of other things) and I stayed gluten and dairy free for 2 months. Then I finally went to the Dr. because I am still tired and I still hurt. The pain has just been getting worse, and I seem to have a lot of things going on that might all be related. It was time to see the Dr. I had a chest x-ray to check for sarcoidosis (which my mom has, though her chest x-rays have always been clear) and it was fine. I had a rheumatoid panel done on my blood. It was normal. I do have a vitamin D deficiency, but I'm on supplements to help that. I get rechecked in about a month. After all of that came back normal, my Dr. put me back on gluten to see if I have celiac disease. I had that blood work done yesterday and should hear the results soon.

Today I'm exhausted. I went to bed at 9 last night and got up at 5:15 this morning. I've been going to Jazzercise 6 times a week. I'm still tired. I still hurt. I'm still gaining weight. I did manage to lose about 12 lbs while on the candida cleanse, but then I plateaued at 12 lbs. And then at least half of that decided to climb back on while I was on gluten. WHILE I was burning an extra 2400+ calories a week through exercise. Today it's all I can do to function. I'm moving in slow motion. I'm grumpy as all can be. Actually, I'm referring to myself as "angry and sad" today. I'm mostly sad (which is weird, because I have nothing to be sad about, except that my head hurts and I just don't have the energy to muster an emotion beyond sad) with occasional bursts of irrational angry. I don't know where the anger is coming from, but all I want to do is scream. It's strange. And annoying.

That pretty much sums up where I'm at. My house has settled into a functional disaster. I hate it. I want to get up and clean and have a happy, sparkling home! The most I can muster is clearing the table. Occasionally.

According to my Dr, the fatigue and chronic pain could be auto-immune. It could be vitamin D related. It could be celiac. It could just be my stupid hormones.

I requested copies of my medical records so I could see if there were trends over the years that could give me some answers. I should be getting those soonish. It would be nice to have answers. Yes, answers would be nice.

In pondering what is causing the fatigue and pain, I thought that perhaps it's the flouride in my water. I'm not sure I drink enough water for the flouride to be a problem, but the crazies out there think that could be it. But, then, I'd have to go buy a fancy water filter and use it. Meh. As of today I'm back off gluten and dairy, so maybe I'll start to feel better, celiac or not.

I'm so tired... all the time.

I don't know why I'm so tired all the time. But I am. I tried to get up this morning to go to Jazzercise. I woke up to my alarm... at 5:50. Why didn't it go off at 5:15? Who knows. Maybe it did and I snoozed it. Sigh. But Jazzercise starts at 5:45, so I missed it.

I'm tired. and my back hurts. And I want to exercise, but I'd rather eat. Or sit here and do nothing. I don't really know what to do with all this tired.

I suppose I should do things like schedule the sleep study I have a referral for. Or get to bed at the same time every night so I can wake up at the same time every morning. Sigh.

Some weight loss math...

I don't know what I weigh. I don't want to step on the scale. But for math's sake, let's assume I'm 160 lbs. I'm hoping that's high. But it might not be. Blegh.

If we assume I'm 160 lbs, my BMI is 31.24. That's officially obese. Blegh again.

According to a magic calculator at Self magazine, I burn approximately 400 calories at Jazzercise.

I eat 200 calories at breakfast.

I have about 300 calories for lunch.

I have about 350 calories for snack if I eat a tube of nuts.

That leaves me between 350 and 500 calories for dinner.

Sigh.

I hate calorie counting. But I also hate that I am gaining weight. I don't want to be this weight and the only way I've ever gotten weight to drop off is by counting calories and exercising.

So here we go...

I am going to try to limit myself to 1400 calories a day for this week, Monday through Friday. I am going to try to go to Jazzercise Monday through Thursday. I am going to weigh myself tomorrow.

And now I am going to bed. We'll see where tomorrow takes us.

Today I stepped on the scale...

... and found myself a little lighter. I weighed in at 153.4. That's 2 lbs down!

Lemon Blueberry Shake

1/2 C Greek Yogurt
1 Probiotic Shot
1/2 C Quinoa (cooked)
1 Leaf Kale
1 C Frozen Blueberries
1/4 C Lemon Juice

I forgot the banana... =(

Calories - 367.7
Fat - 43.3
Carbs - 66.9
Fiber - 10
Sugar - 23.7
Protein - 20.9