Weigh in and Run in!

I weighed in today at 147.6. Back to 4lbs lost.

I ran C25K week 2, day 1 today! I didn't run at all last week, so I'm happy to have gotten this in... next run is Wednesday!! I can do this...

And now, I took a picture of what I looked like at the end of my run. I can't believe I'm going to post this, because this is really NOT what I want to look like. But I am committed to making a change, and if visual proof of my progress (or lack thereof) is what will help, I will do it. Here's my post treadmill picture at 147.6 lbs...

From Body Clutter

Oh, and I did eat breakfast. I am out of my slim fast shakes, so I made myself a peanut butter banana chocolate protein shake. It was great! It was also over 500 calories I found out... LOL! Good thing I burned over 200 on my run so it evened out to a 300 calorie breakfast. I think a light lunch will be in order! But not until I shower and get ready for the day!

It's 11am and I haven't eaten breakfast yet.

Which means I haven't gotten a lot of what I want to do today done yet!! I had great visions of getting laundry done, running in, etc. I'm still in my PJ's.

BUT I am going to get up, weigh myself, eat some breakfast, and run right now. I can't change the last few hours, but I CAN change what happens in the next hour!

Valentine's Day

WARNING: Not the happiest post ever. I have some fears, negative thoughts that surface in certain situations, and so I'm going to record them here. Just so you know.

I should be happy that I got flowers on Valentine's Day. No, I AM happy that I got flowers on Valentine's Day. But what I really want is BEAUTIFUL flowers from my husband today, to remind me that he thinks I'm beautiful. Except that he doesn't, and I know that. I'm thankful that he includes out daughter in picking out gifts for me. But when I see the flowers that my 5 year old picked out and my husband gave me, it just reminds me, once again, that I am overweight and too big to be beautiful in his eyes. Perhaps if I were smaller he would think I was pretty. No, I KNOW that if I were smaller he would think I was pretty.

So, Valentine's Day is hard for me. People think that if you have a spouse, or someone to love, then Valentine's Day is a beautiful thing. And, in some ways it is. I have a beautiful daughter and a husband who LOVES me. I have no doubt that he loves me. But today is a reminder that he doesn't think I'm pretty and it's because I'm overweight. And that is hard to deal with. Sometimes it makes me want to stuff my face with food. Today it makes me want to starve myself. Neither is a healthy option. I hate that the healthy option is to feed my body what it needs, and starve the cravings and emotional wants. I just want to be free from this battle! But I'm not. So I can keep fighting, or I can surrender. If I surrender, I will never be beautiful. I will never get roses. I will never be seen as pretty by the man I love. So... I keep fighting. Sometimes I lose a skirmish here and there, but in the end I hope to win the battle.

Not the best week ever...

I don't know if it was stress, or starting to get sick, or laziness, or what, but this was not the best week for me. Monday and Tuesday were fine. Wednesday was a bad day of giving in to lots of tempting foods, and even making bad food decisions just because. Not good. Thursday and Friday were spent trying to recover from that day, and finding it hard to not give in. Saturday wasn't too bad, but I haven't been recording my food.

Today I weighed myself and, surprise, surprise, found my weight up. 147.6

I am choosing to record my food today.

The good news:

* We are going skiing today as a family!

* I actually FIT into my ski pants that I couldn't wear a month ago!! (Mind you, I'm not drinking anything while we ski, because if I have to go to the bathroom I'm not sure I'll get them off and then on again! LOL!)

* I did 2 days of my C25K workout this week! Yesterday I was going to do the 3rd, but spent the whole day in bed trying to rest up and get rid of this head cold that is making me miserable.

* This head cold is not going to keep me from skiing with my family today, though I will be paying for it tomorrow.

C25K day 1!!

Today I did the C25K week 1 day 1 workout! I am proud of myself for doing it, and amazed that it wasn't as hard as I thought it was going to be! Yay!!

In other news, I weighed in at 145.8 again today! Officially 6 lbs lost! Woot!

Today a NEW LOW!

According to my scale, I have now lost 6 lbs since the beginning of January. WOOOHOOO! That is very exciting! I am hoping to get down to 10 lbs lost by the end of February, keeping with my 5 lbs a month goal.

Today I had Slimfast for breakfast, and then after church Leif's parents wanted to take us out to eat. They took us to the Panda Buffet. I was cautious about what I chose, and ate much less than I normally would have. I had some fried rice, a couple sweet and sour chicken bits, a tiny bit of honey chicken, etc. I chose "tastes" of things rather than "servings" of things. I didn't have ice cream or dessert, and instead chose fruit and a little tapioca pudding for dessert. To keep myself honest, though, I did keep track of approximate measurements of what I was eating, and I did write them down. Then, after the meal I entered them into my program, just to see where I was for the day.

OY!

Who knew that you could eat 1,000 calories in a single meal when you were being CAUTIOUS!? How many calories did I consume all of the other times I've eaten at a Chinese buffet?? It's sort of horrifying to think!

I'm not kicking myself, or pouting about the calories. If I want to eat more in my day, I just need to exercise more. But it was a shock to see just how many calories could be consumed without even trying. It was nice to eat out with family. It was nice to enjoy the food. But it was also nice to recognize the impact that that sort of meal can have if I am not careful. Today I am wiser!!

And I may have the tiniest dinner ever. LOL!

Update....

I figured out how to change my starting weight on My Fitness Pal! It is now an accurate loss on my badge on the site as well as on the ticker on the side of my blog! ------------------------------------->


Woohooooo!

Couch to 5K...

I have been thinking about the C25K program again. I ran a 5K a few years ago. I used this program to get me there. If I want to make a lasting change to my life, I have to find a way to exercise that I can do anywhere and love long term. I want to try running. I don't know if I will ever love it, but it is something that I will be able to do anywhere, without any equipment other than shoes, and that will help me build a routine to keep up a healthy lifestyle. It's something I can do with friends, or Leif, if I choose and I can challenge myself with it by entering local fun or competitive runs. 

There's another reason I want to start running, and it doesn't have to do with my physical health. It does, however, have to do with my spiritual health. As I think about what it means to run with perseverance the race before us, I realize that I have never really run with perseverance. I don't know in practical terms what that means. And I will never know unless I actually try to run with perseverance. I don't think I can run with perseverance if I don't start running, so the most practical way it seems for me to start is through something like this. 

So I want to run the C25K program. 30 minutes, 3 times a week. I can do that. I can especially do that with some accountability and a lot of prayer. So please, hold me accountable. Ask me how I'm doing. Ask me how my running is going. And above all, pray for me. Because this is not just about my physical health but also my spiritual health, I am guessing it might require more than just willpower. I am expecting some opposition. But I am resolving that, even with opposition, even when the going gets tough, even when it hurts, or is inconvenient, I am going to do this. Because I was made for more than couch-potato-dom. 

So here's what it looks like. Next week I start running. Ideally, Monday, Wednesday, Friday, but 3 times, whenever it is. The workout looks like this....

Brisk five-minute warmup walk. Then alternate 60 seconds of jogging and 90 seconds of walking for a total of 20 minutes.


I like to finish with a 5 minute cool down, for a total of 30 minutes. 


Right now I'm walking on the treadmill for 45 minutes. I have about 5 minutes left. I have been walking 2 mph, but today I upped it to 2.5... I'm hoping to make it up to 3 mph as my brisk walking rate. That's what I'm working toward.

Every day, little by little, I can reach my goals.

I am kind of sad that I told myfitnesspal.com that my starting weight was 148.8, since now it only shows that I have lost 2 lbs instead of 5. However, I am not going to get discouraged about that, and instead celebrate that I am showing a loss since I started using myfitnesspal! 2 lbs lost!! Whoohoo!

a new low!

I weighed myself this morning and was pleasantly surprised to find that the scale said 146.6.t That is a new low for me this to round and past my 5lb loss mark! That feels good! I struggled with food yesterday, relying on sheer willpower to keep me from eating the wheat thin sticks on the table. They were calling to me, beckoning for me to open the box, not to eat, just to smell. Smelling is not so bad, right? But I knew that if I even opened the top just a crack I would not be able to stop myself from eating them. So I didn't. I picked up the box and put it away ... and stopped thinking about the sweet salty goodness inside. Out of sight, out of mind. It really was!

Walked on my treadmill today

Walked for 1 hour this morning on my treadmill! 236 Calories burned, according to the screen.

I weighed in at 147.4. No weight change, but there is a change inside that is exciting me more than the number on the scale ever could. Hooray!

Proverbs 1-10

I have never seen a connection between adultery and food before. But the passages in Proverbs are full of imagery and images linking the adulterous woman to food. My weakness has not been adultery, so I have not paid close attention to the passages on it before. But if I read them in light of my relationship with food... WOW! A brand new perspective is born! And then we come to passages about wisdom preparing a banquet of fruit and the simple rejecting it.... I am blown away by  the chapters I read this morning!

Insight. Wisdom. Bread. Wine. Fruit. Folly. Adultery. Discipline.

I am craving chocolate

I haven't been having cravings for days. Now, suddenly I'm home and I'm craving chocolate. I want to eat.

But you know what? I love God more than I love food. I love obedience more than I love temptation. I love excellence more than I love compromise. I love the lasting results of looking more like Him than I love the temporary satisfaction of chocolate on my tongue. I was made for more than this.

It's 3:00. I'm going to eat a healthy snack. And it won't be chocolate.

Home again, Home again...

I am home again! I knew I would be at the mercy of other people for meals (lunch and dinner yesterday), but I chose to make wise choices and I feel good about that! For lunch there were ham and cheese sandwiches, LOTS of "salads" - you know, the kind with fruit and jello and marshmallows and the like - and LOTS of cake / desserts. I had a sandwich and some baby carrots, and visited with friends and family members. It was wonderful!

Around 3:00 I needed to eat, so Robert and I went to a coffee shop. I was really wanting some fruit, since I hadn't had any yet, and I figured a coffee shop would be a nice place to get a banana or something. I was wrong. I ended up splitting an egg/sausage casserole thing with Robert (I ate 1/4 of it - was pretty excited about the moderation there! Just enough for a snack!) and I succumbed to a coconut mocha frappuccino. It sounded good. It was good. I did choose not to have whipped cream on top, and I enjoyed sipping it. I had about half of it and decided that I was satisfied, so I chose not to drink the rest of it. I'm calling that progress! I wasn't "depriving" myself or pouting over "throwing half a coffee drink away to save calories" or anything of the like. I chose to get it (whether that was a good choice or not), I enjoyed it, and chose not to indulge in all of it.

The same was true at dinner. We had lasagna and garlic bread. I had a small slice of garlic bread, a serving of lasagna, and iced tea. And then they brought out the cheesecake. It would have hurt my aunt's feelings if I'd just said no to the cheesecake, which I emotionally and physically could have done just fine. Instead, I asked if my mom would like to split a piece with me, which she did. I savored and enjoyed it along with the coffee and conversation. And I ate only half of it. Again, not depriving myself, just practicing moderation. It felt good!

At the end of the day, I totaled up my calories - I ended with 1228. My goal is 1200. That's not bad!! I am feeling like calorie counting is beginning to give me some freedom - not the counting in itself, by my changing attitudes about food.

Speaking of changing attitudes toward food, I finished reading Made to Crave. I didn't do the exercises, but just did a quick read-through. What an amazing book! I am looking forward to taking it a chapter at a time and thinking through my own personal issues this month/year. At 18 chapters, I think I will take the next 18 weeks to work through it... Want to join me??