That's an excited squeal. Because when I weighed this morning I was at 114.6!! That's under 115!! That's a new low number for me!!! =D
I still haven't decided on my "content" weight. I am happy at 115, but I think it's the upper end of where I'm happy, so I will still work toward 110 so I have a little wiggle room in my contentment window. =D Because right now I am not happy with my weight if I gain 2 lbs, which is easy to do in daily weight fluctuations. If I fluctuated between 110 and 112 I'd still be happy, where I'm not between 115 and 117, so I think I'll still aim for 110, at least right now. But I'm not going to pursue it like I have in the past, with counting every calorie, etc. I'm going to work on my moderation and making healthy choices.
Friday, September 5, 2008
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Contentment?
I have a number in my head, a goal that I have been working toward. That number is 110, about 5 lbs from where I am now. And yet I can't seem to get past 115, nor can I seem to find the motivation to get past 115. And so it makes my wonder why.
Is it because I am content at 115?
I admit that I am happy with how I look at this weight. It is within the healthy range for my height and frame, and I feel attractive. So why isn't this my goal weight?
I think a large part of it is because I want to "one-up" a friend from college who is at 115 and happy there. I want to beat her weight, just to prove that I can. I was always just a tad smaller than her in college and I want to be there again. Somehow I feel that that will "redeem" me for being overweight the last 7 years. She made a comment once that hurt and stuck with me, and I just want to prove that I'm not the "big" one of the group any longer. But I don't think that's a healthy reason for wanting to get down to 110. Something I need to deal with? Yes. Something I need to use as motivation for weight loss? No.
Part of my reason for wanting to be 110 is because it is one step closer to the weight I was when I got married. If I can get down to 110 I can get down to 105, and that's what I weighed when I wore my beautiful wedding dress. I would love to get down to that size again!
Part of my reason, too, is that I feel like I ought to be the "ideal" weight for my height and frame, according to the doctor's charts. And for 5 feet tall, small frame, that is 100 lbs. So I just keep setting my goal 5 lbs lower each time I reach it in hopes that someday I will be down to 100 lbs again. Then I would be not just average, but small. And oh, I do miss being small!
So I guess what I need to figure out is if I really need to strive to be smaller, or if I should simply strive for daily moderation and healthy living and be content with my weight and size. I guess I need to rethink my reasons behind wanting to lose weight and make sure that they are honorable and right. At what point do I start trying to maintain my weight instead of lose it?
Is it because I am content at 115?
I admit that I am happy with how I look at this weight. It is within the healthy range for my height and frame, and I feel attractive. So why isn't this my goal weight?
I think a large part of it is because I want to "one-up" a friend from college who is at 115 and happy there. I want to beat her weight, just to prove that I can. I was always just a tad smaller than her in college and I want to be there again. Somehow I feel that that will "redeem" me for being overweight the last 7 years. She made a comment once that hurt and stuck with me, and I just want to prove that I'm not the "big" one of the group any longer. But I don't think that's a healthy reason for wanting to get down to 110. Something I need to deal with? Yes. Something I need to use as motivation for weight loss? No.
Part of my reason for wanting to be 110 is because it is one step closer to the weight I was when I got married. If I can get down to 110 I can get down to 105, and that's what I weighed when I wore my beautiful wedding dress. I would love to get down to that size again!
Part of my reason, too, is that I feel like I ought to be the "ideal" weight for my height and frame, according to the doctor's charts. And for 5 feet tall, small frame, that is 100 lbs. So I just keep setting my goal 5 lbs lower each time I reach it in hopes that someday I will be down to 100 lbs again. Then I would be not just average, but small. And oh, I do miss being small!
So I guess what I need to figure out is if I really need to strive to be smaller, or if I should simply strive for daily moderation and healthy living and be content with my weight and size. I guess I need to rethink my reasons behind wanting to lose weight and make sure that they are honorable and right. At what point do I start trying to maintain my weight instead of lose it?
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