Standing Still

Well, I'm still at 127.4. It's not bad. I haven't been drinking much water, so I think that plays into it. Leif and Eliana are both sick, and I'm not feeling so hot myself. Yesterday I slept from about 1-5, then went to bed around 9 and slept until 6, so I'm guessing I'm fighting off something, too. Thankfully, though, I'm not puking, like they are. But I'm taking it easy. I may not make it to that 10 lbs by Sept 1 after all, but we'll see what the scale says when I weigh in on Tuesday. In the meantime, I'm just trying to stay hydrated and eat responsibly. =D Let's hope that does it!

Commitment....

I've been about as committed to losing weight and living an active, healthy life as I have about blogging it.

My efforts have been sporadic at best, and I will start my days with the best of intentions on the food front, only to find myself with a handful of skittles as I'm headed to bed a 10:30.

As I said before, I've been contemplating joining a gym, despite the additional cost of doing so. But I've come to a realization this last week... If I am not committed to doing it at home with the equipment I have here, what makes me think I am going to be committed to going someplace else and working out?

The bottom line is that if it's really important to me I will make it a priority and let go of all the excuses I let get in my way. And I do have a LOT of excuses. But the fact that I keep using them tells me that I have NOT made weight loss and healthy living a priority, so if I want to make a change, it's not the workout location that ought to change, but my attitude and commitment level towards this goal of mine.

And if it's not a goal of mine right now, then I need to take it off the table and quit putting mental energy towards it.

So... what is it going to take for me to be committed?? A deadline? An exercise plan? An eating plan? A support group? Therapy?? (Ha ha! Okay, I was just kidding on that last one.) What am I afraid of? A lot of the things I learned at Career Conference apply to all areas of my life, including this one. "Do what scares you, and then it won't." What am I afraid of? Exercising and being uncomfortable doing it? Setting a goal and failing at it? Being called fat at the family reunion? (Oh yes, this last one is true!!) If it's about failing at my goal, then I just need to remember that "Attitude + Action = Achievement" If I put for the effort, with the right attitude, then I can let go of the results, because I have done what I need to. Let go of the number on the scale and just do what I said I would do. I need to be a "Woman of my Word" and follow through when I set a goal! If I say that I'm going to drink 2 liters of water today, I need to drink 2 liters of water today. Period. I must be true to my word, even if my word is only to myself. I must recommit daily, not just commit today and think that I will feel the same way in a week, forcing myself to live out a commitment I made a while back and forgot about. I need to make sure I am committed TODAY. Every day. And if it's worth doing, it's worth doing well, with all my heart. I don't have to exercise 24/7, but if I say I'm going to exercise for 30 minutes, I need to give it my absolute ALL for those 30 minutes. I need to be true to my word, not trying to cut corners.

I have not been committed to weight loss. But I think it's time I am.

And I'll admit, committing to weight loss scares me, because what if I fail? What if I don't make it? What if my grandmother calls me fat?!

But if I do what scares me, then it will stop scaring me. So I'm going to commit. I am committed. Not to you, or to the scale, or to my grandmother, but I am committed TO ME, for me, to do what I say I am going to do when it comes to eating right and exercising and doing what I know I need to do in order to lose the weight.

So here it is, my commitment...

I, Elizabeth Wickland, am committed to being a woman of my word. I am committed NOT to set a goal until I am willing to give it my all to achieve it. An when I do set a goal, I commit to myself to do what needs to be done to accomplish that goal.

Officially Overweight

Well, pooh. I just noticed that my BMI is up to 25 (because I updated my ticker) and that is in the officially overweight range. Not by much, and if I drop at all I'll be back within the "healthy" range, but I hate to be that close!

129 and holding...

... at least I haven't broken 130.

Today I did better on the food front. I've got to do something, because my pants are starting to fit me like I'm pregnant.... and I'm not.

Stupid shrinking pants....

I'm not doing well

The eating has been BAD.

The exercise has been nonexistent.

I still haven't joined the gym.

I'm staring at some chocolate right now thinking it would make a good breakfast.

I'm scared to weigh in.

That's pretty much the sum of it. If I'm brave today (since I haven't eaten yet) I might weigh in.

Might.

What the heck?!

I have exercised 3 times in the last week. I don't think I have overeaten that much. I certainly have not had as much water, but I've tried to drink fluids since I wasn't eating much while I was sick. So why, WHY, when I stepped on the scale today am I 128.6???? That's up over 4 lbs in less than 2 weeks!

*nervous laugh*

Well, remember how I was going to do the SP boot camp and start running? Well, last week was very busy and I didn't do either! Really, except for snowshoeing with Eliana on my back one day, I haven't done much in the way of dedicated exercise. Some stretching, and a day of DDR, but I was just plain busy last week and didn't get much of ANYTHING done! In fact, my goal for today is just to get my Christmas decorations down and put away finally. It's the middle of January for peet's sake! So... I am working on finding a time that I can consistently exercise. Obviously waking up before Ellie is not working, and I'm having a REALLY hard time finding time in the day while she's here doing it. She wants me to spend most of the day playing with her and interacting, and I haven't been able to incorporate her into my workout routine very well yet. But I'm still working on it.

On the plus side, I weighed myself and I'm down to 124.6 from 126.2, so even without counting calories (which I just can't commit to right now) and exercising I've lost a lb and a half. That's encouraging!

So... I'm working on scheduling in exercise time this week. I think that's the best place to start. After that I can really get down to the numbers, but first I just have to find the time to exercise!

I can't tell you how much I weigh today...

... because I don't know. But I DO know that today...

... I started the day with some fruit and vegetable juice. My daughter was the motivator for that one. I woke up and rolled out of bed and she looked at me and asked, "Are you tired, Mommy?" I said, "Yes, but I'm getting up." "Oh. Are you hungry? Do you want to have some... carrot juice?" And that prompted me to start my day off with some fresh juice. Turns out that's a good way to start off if you want to have a good day.

... I recorded my calories today. And I'm on track. I did have a piece of cake at Meg's today, but it was a small one and I recorded the calories and cut back on my bread at dinner accordingly.

... I am emotional. I don't know what my deal is (okay, so I have a pretty good guess it's the same thing it is every month, stupid hormones!) but I just feel like I'm an emotional pendulum. Up and down, side to side... no fun. But I have kept my eating under control and that has helped, because I haven't added the fat cow feeling to my down moments. =D

... I am not going to exercise, because quite honestly my chest is too sore to tolerate such abuse. If I get really ambitious I might walk, but I want to get the kitchen and dining room cleaned up first, because...

... I am going to go to bed with a clean kitchen an dining room. My house has been messy off and on for far too long and it's time for a good long clean streak.

... I am making good progress on my goal of drinking 64 oz of water today. 3 more cups (24 oz) to go, and most of those, I am fairly sure, will be filled with peppermint tea on this snowy day.

Well....

*I weighed in. 122. Ugh. Up another lb.
*I didn't record my calories, though I started out the day fine. Snacking throughout the day did me in. Again, Ugh.
*I did my devotions. Hooray!
*I am making a dent in my to-do list. Hooray!
*I didn't juice today because I was in a hurry to get out the door for Bible Study. Sigh.
*I haven't exercised yet, but I am determined to before I go to bed tonight!

Right now I'm working on the DISHES part of the to-do list. I've got some stuff to hand wash and more than one load for the dishwasher. That's going to take a little doing, but hopefully Leif will be done running by the time I get done and I can get on the treadmill. Otherwise I'll DDR it.

Yeah.....

... it's not going so well. Not eating well, not exercising regularly... up 2 lbs. So much for the 2 lbs I was down last time I posted! 3 weeks and 6 lbs to go... ugh. I need to get my booty into gear, I guess.

Fleeting moderation

I'm struggling with moderation today. Just a little here and a little there... but it all eats up calories!! I'm going to a girls' night tonight, so I might just skip dinner until I get there. I don't remember if we're having real dinner food or not, but there will be calories there for sure! I'm bringing yummy hot chocolate fixins, and I'd hate not to be able to enjoy them just because I couldn't resist eating a handful of sprinkles earlier in the day!

So... I've got 2 hours to get through without indulging before I go tonight. I need help!

(and really, I should be exercising for a good portion of one of those hours!)

Treadmill time...

Just walked on the treadmill for 40 minutes and burned 365 calories. I've got just under 300 calories left to consume today. And right now? I'm pretty tired... I think I'll make some Christmas cards, drink some hot chocolate, watch a show, clean the kitchen, then go to bed and actually get 8 hours of sleep. It'll be good.

Moderation is not my strong point.

If it's not the 3 glasses of eggnog in an afternoon (at 440 calories per glass!!) it's the other end of the spectrum with a dearth of calories....

I started calorie counting today. I think I might have hit bottom when I got on the scale and saw it up 10 lbs from what I was just a few months ago! So discouraging! But today I did something about it, and it didn't include comfort food!

I started calorie counting today. And I'd forgotten how hard it was to count calories! Not so hard to do the counting, as how hungry I got when I wasn't shoving food into my face every time I felt like it. I was away from home for most of the day, but I limited my beverage consumption to water and coffee (which is calorie free if I drink it black - and I did!) and so I wasn't snacking all the time like I would have been at home. That was a lifesaver! But I got home and entered everything into Spark People and learned that even after calculating my dinner calories (leftover tortilla soup - and I skipped the cheese on it) I was still only at 500 some calories for the day! Sigh... moderation is not my strong point. If I'm not over eating, I'm under eating. Will I ever learn?

The good news is that I'm now up to 850 calories, so maybe I have a little room for a snack later on. I did drink some full sugar pop with dinner, but I limited it to 8 oz, and I don't feel badly about the calories given the rest of my caloric dearth of a day.

So... 300 or so calories to go tonight. That's not too bad, and I will eat them. I also have 32 oz of water to drink still and something else from the fruit and veggie family to consume. I'm making apple butter tonight (because we're canning tomorrow!) so maybe I'll eat an apple.

Anyway, I'm back on the wagon. It's been too long and too many lbs and now I have 20 lbs to lose instead of 10. So... off to change some habits again and see where that gets me.

Struggling...

... both with weight AND motivation. I stink at losing weight this time of year. I am all about comfort food. And I'm up another lb today. Grrr.

It probably won't help, either, that I've had both ice cream AND a few oreos today. I guess the good news is that the oreos are gone, so I won't be eating may more of them. There were only about 5 there anyway, but I'm grumpy at myself for eating them.

We're having chicken tortilla soup for dinner tonight, so at least that's not terrible for me. But it's a rainy, dreary day, and that always makes me less motivated to exercise.

On the plus side, I did play DDR with my mom a couple nights last week, so that has given me a taste for it again. Hopefully that will encourage me to get down there and do it some by myself! I'd forgotten how fun it was!

eeeeEEEEEK!

That's an excited squeal. Because when I weighed this morning I was at 114.6!! That's under 115!! That's a new low number for me!!! =D

I still haven't decided on my "content" weight. I am happy at 115, but I think it's the upper end of where I'm happy, so I will still work toward 110 so I have a little wiggle room in my contentment window. =D Because right now I am not happy with my weight if I gain 2 lbs, which is easy to do in daily weight fluctuations. If I fluctuated between 110 and 112 I'd still be happy, where I'm not between 115 and 117, so I think I'll still aim for 110, at least right now. But I'm not going to pursue it like I have in the past, with counting every calorie, etc. I'm going to work on my moderation and making healthy choices.

116.8 Today...

... and that's progress from 117.8 yesterday, so I'll take it!!

Still not doing terribly well with eating, exercising, or drinking water, but my attitude is at least better and I'm not feeling like a fat cow any longer. Hurrah!

And at least I knew I WASN'T a fat cow, even when I felt like one, and that's an improvement from what it would have been a few years ago, so I'll just call it improvement all around!

Fat Cow.

That's pretty much what I've been feeling like this week. I'm frustrated with the weight loss, and, unfortunately, that means I've been having a hard time controlling the urge to eat, which just furthers the fat cow feeling. Add to that the fact that I have had no control over a lot of our meals this week (eating out, eating at friends' houses, baby shower providing dinner, etc.) and it has not been good. I haven't had water in who knows how long, and we've been out of diet pop, so I've been drinking regular. Not good. I hate this feeling.

Forgot the photo....

I forgot to photograph my weight this morning, but I suppose all is well that I didn't... it went the wrong way. I don't even remember the exact weight, but it was 117 something. Up a lb from last week! I've been trying to get my water in, but things haven't been moving along as they should, so that could contribute to the weight gain. In any event, this is the first week I have not met or exceeded my goal, so I'm not too discouraged. I will just keep at it and hope to see the scale move down again. I'm hoping to jump right past this plateau point, but it doesn't seem to be happening that way!!

Today is hard for calorie counting because we're eating dinner at a friend's house and I don't have a clue what we're having. It's sure to be delicious, but I'm afraid it might be pretty caloric as well, so I'll just have to try to eat moderately and make sure I get plenty of water in so I feel full. Most of what I've eaten today (with the exception of some yogurt for breakfast) is fruit and veggie, so I think I'm doing okay. But we'll see.

I went for a little walk/hike today with the mom and me group (this week it was Tracee and Beth who came with) so that gets a little exercise in. Mostly, though, I am still working on organizing and cleaning the house and that means spending most of my day standing, squatting, or moving around. So I think I'm doing fine on my 200 calories burned a day goal.

Home again, home again...

Well, we ended up extending our camping trip an extra day, so here it is Sunday night and we just got home! The trip was good. Hard to count calories, didn't get nearly enough water I'm sure, but overall I tried to be moderate and we even got a little hike or two in. And some kayaking, but Ellie was in my boat and ended up falling asleep on my arm (rendering me unable to paddle!) so Leif had to tow us around the lake instead. Guess I can't count that as a workout, huh? But it was good.

I weighed myself this evening when we came home. End of the day, but I figured I'd give it a go so I had some idea of what to expect tomorrow. The scale said 117.4, so we'll see if it goes down in the morning! That would be great! I would still love to see something in the 116 range, but we'll have to take it as it comes. I'm home again, so calorie counting should be a little easier.

Not so good today...

I didn't get enough water in yesterday, so today I was up to 118.4. I guess I need more water! It's discouraging to gain that much weight just because I drank 1 liter instead of 2. Back to the grindstone!