I'm so tired... all the time.

I don't know why I'm so tired all the time. But I am. I tried to get up this morning to go to Jazzercise. I woke up to my alarm... at 5:50. Why didn't it go off at 5:15? Who knows. Maybe it did and I snoozed it. Sigh. But Jazzercise starts at 5:45, so I missed it.

I'm tired. and my back hurts. And I want to exercise, but I'd rather eat. Or sit here and do nothing. I don't really know what to do with all this tired.

I suppose I should do things like schedule the sleep study I have a referral for. Or get to bed at the same time every night so I can wake up at the same time every morning. Sigh.

Some weight loss math...

I don't know what I weigh. I don't want to step on the scale. But for math's sake, let's assume I'm 160 lbs. I'm hoping that's high. But it might not be. Blegh.

If we assume I'm 160 lbs, my BMI is 31.24. That's officially obese. Blegh again.

According to a magic calculator at Self magazine, I burn approximately 400 calories at Jazzercise.

I eat 200 calories at breakfast.

I have about 300 calories for lunch.

I have about 350 calories for snack if I eat a tube of nuts.

That leaves me between 350 and 500 calories for dinner.

Sigh.

I hate calorie counting. But I also hate that I am gaining weight. I don't want to be this weight and the only way I've ever gotten weight to drop off is by counting calories and exercising.

So here we go...

I am going to try to limit myself to 1400 calories a day for this week, Monday through Friday. I am going to try to go to Jazzercise Monday through Thursday. I am going to weigh myself tomorrow.

And now I am going to bed. We'll see where tomorrow takes us.

Today I stepped on the scale...

... and found myself a little lighter. I weighed in at 153.4. That's 2 lbs down!

Lemon Blueberry Shake

1/2 C Greek Yogurt
1 Probiotic Shot
1/2 C Quinoa (cooked)
1 Leaf Kale
1 C Frozen Blueberries
1/4 C Lemon Juice

I forgot the banana... =(

Calories - 367.7
Fat - 43.3
Carbs - 66.9
Fiber - 10
Sugar - 23.7
Protein - 20.9

Measurements - Post Wrap

Last night I did a body wrap (Mary Kay Cellu-Shape Night Gel, saran wrap, heating blanket)

Here are the measurements in the areas I applied the wrap...

Left thigh - 24.5 in (-1)
Right thigh - 23.5 (-1)
Waist smallest part - 31.5 (-.5)
Hips below butt - 39
Hips around largest part of butt - 40.5
Waist belly button - 35 (-1)
Chest below bust - 31

So there's no change around my hips, but the rest of my measurements lost between .5 and 1 inch in just one application. Crazy! Not only that, but my skin is super soft! I'm going to have to keep trying this, though it's easier (for how weird it looks) while Leif is gone. LOL!

Weight and Measurements...

154.6 weight

Smallest part of my midsection - 32 in
Hips right below my butt - 39 in
Hips around the largest part of my butt - 40.5 in
Hips at the top of my butt - 40.5 in
Waist at my belly button - 36 in
Ribcage right below my bust - 31 in
Bust around the largest part - 40.5 in
Chest around my armpits - 39in
Neck - 13in
Left Bicep - 13.5in
Right Bicep - 13.5in
Left thigh at the largest part - 25.5in
Right thigh at the largest part - 24.5in
Ankles - 7.5in
Wrists - 6 in

This is the largest I've ever been. My weight has fluctuated up to 146.6, but this is the largest I've ever been. Including when I delivered Eliana. Something has got to give.

Thinking about the content of my shakes...

I'm thinking about the contents and benefits of my breakfast shakes. I've got about 6 variations that I'd like to try in the near future... All of them consist of the same base:

Kale / Spinach (good for your blood, lymph system, and pancreas)
Quinoa (good for your intestines)
Greek Yogurt (also good for your intestines)
Banana (good for your blood and intestines)

Added to this base is what changes the flavor to create the 6 variations...

Lemon juice (good for your gallbladder and liver)
Blueberries (good for your kidneys)

Sweet potato (good for your gallbladder)
Flax (good for your kidneys and liver)
Cinnamon (for flavor - but also good a good anti-inflammatory)

Strawberry (good for your kidneys)
Apple (good for your gallbladder and kidneys)
Flax (good for your kidneys and liver)

Lemon juice (good for your gallbladder and liver)
Green Tea (good for your liver - prevents the absorption of iron if not used with lemon juice or milk)
Apple (good for your gallbladder and kidneys)
Ginger (good for your blood)

Citrus fruit (good for your liver)
Apple (good for your gallbladder and kidneys)
Coconut (for flavor and fats)

Apple (good for your gallbladder and kidneys)
Flax (good for your kidneys and liver)
Almond butter (for flavor and fats)
Cocoa powder (for flavor and fiber)

Shake, shake, shake!

Today's shake is a bit higher in fat (due to the coconut milk) and sugar (I'm thinking thanks to the yogurt, strawberries, and banana) as well as calories, but it is good!!

Coconut Milk (1C)
Frozen Strawberries (8)
Quinoa (1/2 C)
Spinach (1 C)
Banana (1)
Fage Strawberry Greek Yogurt (1)

Yummy!! Perhaps my favorite tasting yet!

535 Calories
9 g fat
9 g fiber
40 g sugar
27 g protein

I'd consider making this without the yogurt just to see what it's like in the future. I don't think it would change the taste, but it would shave 120 calories and 16 grams sugar off. Of course, it would also cut out 13 g protein, so I'd have to think about that, too.

Anywho... yummy shake! Excellent breakfast! Since I've been eating these shakes for breakfast, I've had little to no snacking in the afternoons. Woohoo!

Today's Shake...

I made a chocolate shake today. I'm not really a chocolate person, but this is pretty good. Not the light milk chocolate of my SlimFast shakes, but a dark chocolate flavor... Here's what it's got in it.

* 1/2 C Quinoa
* 1 T Cocoa Powder
* 1 Banana
* 1 C Spinach
* 1/2 C Milk
* 5 oz plain Greek Yogurt

And here's the nutrition information for my shake...

425 Calories
4.5 g Fat
8 g Fiber
30 g Sugar
28 g Protein

The cocoa powder makes it a nice dark brown color instead of the green from the spinach. =D

Breakfast Shake

I was perusing some things I found on pinterest last night and was inspired by a blog I found called Rabbit Food For My Bunny Teeth. Specifically, I was inspired by her breakfast shake concoctions. So this morning I am drinking a breakfast shake with what little we have in the house. I've been home from TX for almost a week and haven't made it to Costco yet. Nor have I unpacked, but that's a different story...

So today I am enjoying a shake that has in it...
* approx 3/4 C. quinoa
* Fage Greek Yogurt
* about 8 frozen strawberries
* 1/2 T honey
* 1/2 C skim milk

It's pretty darn good!! Even better is how the nutrition information calculates out...

415 calories
3 g fat
6 g fiber
40 g sugar (okay, so high here)
25 g protein

We'll see how it holds me over for the day. =D

Oh, stink! I just noticed the time... I need to get ready for church or we'll be late!

Walking

As per the dietician's recommendaion, I am walking right now. =D I was going through some material on my computer and realized that I could do it sitting at the table, or I could do it walking on the treadmill. So I picked the treadmill. Yay for good decisions!

I have also been tracking my food using the nutrition sheets she provided, and they have been very helpful. Yesterday I did not do so well, but I gave myself grace and freedom instead of beating myself up and today I have been able to pick up and do well without feeling the guilt of "messing up" yesterday. How wonderful freedom is!

So far my week looks something like...

Tuesday - food was good, exercised 75 minutes
Wednesday - food was good, exercised 15 minutes
Thursday - food was good, exercised no minutes?
Friday - food was not so good, exercised 30 minutes
Today - so far food is good, and I've exercised 45 minutes.

I believe the goal is to exercise a total of 2.5 hours each week (or roughly 30 minutes 5x a week), so I am right where I should be there, and my food has been good, too. Hooray!

Shiny New Road Bike!

I haven't ridden a bike by myself in years. I tried a couple years ago and failed. Miserably. We have a tandem, so I ride that with Leif, but I don't have to do much other than pedal. It's great for family outings, but if I want to ride by myself or with Eliana, well, I'm out of luck. 

As I'm working toward my goal of running a 5K in June, I have another goal in mind for further down the road: to do my first triathlon. In order to do that, though, I need to be able to ride a bike. In order to ride a bike, I kind of need one. 

So... we went to REI looking for a bike for me. After test riding a few, here's what we settled on...

It's a Scott Contessa road bike. I was really impressed with how comfortable on it I was, even though I shouldn't be. That is, I am surprised I could even ride the "comfort" bikes that were designed for stability, much less this one that is designed for speed. It's a good bike. And we got an AMAZING deal on it, so even better! I really like it. I even rode it home from the store!

I can now ride Eliana to school in the mornings and pick her up, instead of having Leif ride with her. I can also run errands over to Rosauers, etc. on the bike instead of in the car. I'm excited!

What I'm even more excited about is that I got 6 miles of riding in today and that was AFTER a day of skiing! That qualifies as EXERCISE... AND family time!! 

I stepped out of my comfort zone today, and it feels great! I decided not to be scared while skiing, and even  went down a blue run. =D LOL! Once upon a time a blue run was not unusual, but that was before I had Eliana! I am excited to get back into skiing, even if today was my last day of the season. I stepped out of my comfort zone and test rode bikes, something I was especially afraid to do. But, as I tell Eliana, the best way to get over being afraid of something is to do it. So I did it. And I found a bike I really like, and I rode it 3 miles home! And I'm not scared of bike riding any more. Woohoo! 

Weigh in and Run in!

I weighed in today at 147.6. Back to 4lbs lost.

I ran C25K week 2, day 1 today! I didn't run at all last week, so I'm happy to have gotten this in... next run is Wednesday!! I can do this...

And now, I took a picture of what I looked like at the end of my run. I can't believe I'm going to post this, because this is really NOT what I want to look like. But I am committed to making a change, and if visual proof of my progress (or lack thereof) is what will help, I will do it. Here's my post treadmill picture at 147.6 lbs...

From Body Clutter

Oh, and I did eat breakfast. I am out of my slim fast shakes, so I made myself a peanut butter banana chocolate protein shake. It was great! It was also over 500 calories I found out... LOL! Good thing I burned over 200 on my run so it evened out to a 300 calorie breakfast. I think a light lunch will be in order! But not until I shower and get ready for the day!

It's 11am and I haven't eaten breakfast yet.

Which means I haven't gotten a lot of what I want to do today done yet!! I had great visions of getting laundry done, running in, etc. I'm still in my PJ's.

BUT I am going to get up, weigh myself, eat some breakfast, and run right now. I can't change the last few hours, but I CAN change what happens in the next hour!

Valentine's Day

WARNING: Not the happiest post ever. I have some fears, negative thoughts that surface in certain situations, and so I'm going to record them here. Just so you know.

I should be happy that I got flowers on Valentine's Day. No, I AM happy that I got flowers on Valentine's Day. But what I really want is BEAUTIFUL flowers from my husband today, to remind me that he thinks I'm beautiful. Except that he doesn't, and I know that. I'm thankful that he includes out daughter in picking out gifts for me. But when I see the flowers that my 5 year old picked out and my husband gave me, it just reminds me, once again, that I am overweight and too big to be beautiful in his eyes. Perhaps if I were smaller he would think I was pretty. No, I KNOW that if I were smaller he would think I was pretty.

So, Valentine's Day is hard for me. People think that if you have a spouse, or someone to love, then Valentine's Day is a beautiful thing. And, in some ways it is. I have a beautiful daughter and a husband who LOVES me. I have no doubt that he loves me. But today is a reminder that he doesn't think I'm pretty and it's because I'm overweight. And that is hard to deal with. Sometimes it makes me want to stuff my face with food. Today it makes me want to starve myself. Neither is a healthy option. I hate that the healthy option is to feed my body what it needs, and starve the cravings and emotional wants. I just want to be free from this battle! But I'm not. So I can keep fighting, or I can surrender. If I surrender, I will never be beautiful. I will never get roses. I will never be seen as pretty by the man I love. So... I keep fighting. Sometimes I lose a skirmish here and there, but in the end I hope to win the battle.

Not the best week ever...

I don't know if it was stress, or starting to get sick, or laziness, or what, but this was not the best week for me. Monday and Tuesday were fine. Wednesday was a bad day of giving in to lots of tempting foods, and even making bad food decisions just because. Not good. Thursday and Friday were spent trying to recover from that day, and finding it hard to not give in. Saturday wasn't too bad, but I haven't been recording my food.

Today I weighed myself and, surprise, surprise, found my weight up. 147.6

I am choosing to record my food today.

The good news:

* We are going skiing today as a family!

* I actually FIT into my ski pants that I couldn't wear a month ago!! (Mind you, I'm not drinking anything while we ski, because if I have to go to the bathroom I'm not sure I'll get them off and then on again! LOL!)

* I did 2 days of my C25K workout this week! Yesterday I was going to do the 3rd, but spent the whole day in bed trying to rest up and get rid of this head cold that is making me miserable.

* This head cold is not going to keep me from skiing with my family today, though I will be paying for it tomorrow.

C25K day 1!!

Today I did the C25K week 1 day 1 workout! I am proud of myself for doing it, and amazed that it wasn't as hard as I thought it was going to be! Yay!!

In other news, I weighed in at 145.8 again today! Officially 6 lbs lost! Woot!

Today a NEW LOW!

According to my scale, I have now lost 6 lbs since the beginning of January. WOOOHOOO! That is very exciting! I am hoping to get down to 10 lbs lost by the end of February, keeping with my 5 lbs a month goal.

Today I had Slimfast for breakfast, and then after church Leif's parents wanted to take us out to eat. They took us to the Panda Buffet. I was cautious about what I chose, and ate much less than I normally would have. I had some fried rice, a couple sweet and sour chicken bits, a tiny bit of honey chicken, etc. I chose "tastes" of things rather than "servings" of things. I didn't have ice cream or dessert, and instead chose fruit and a little tapioca pudding for dessert. To keep myself honest, though, I did keep track of approximate measurements of what I was eating, and I did write them down. Then, after the meal I entered them into my program, just to see where I was for the day.

OY!

Who knew that you could eat 1,000 calories in a single meal when you were being CAUTIOUS!? How many calories did I consume all of the other times I've eaten at a Chinese buffet?? It's sort of horrifying to think!

I'm not kicking myself, or pouting about the calories. If I want to eat more in my day, I just need to exercise more. But it was a shock to see just how many calories could be consumed without even trying. It was nice to eat out with family. It was nice to enjoy the food. But it was also nice to recognize the impact that that sort of meal can have if I am not careful. Today I am wiser!!

And I may have the tiniest dinner ever. LOL!

Update....

I figured out how to change my starting weight on My Fitness Pal! It is now an accurate loss on my badge on the site as well as on the ticker on the side of my blog! ------------------------------------->


Woohooooo!

Couch to 5K...

I have been thinking about the C25K program again. I ran a 5K a few years ago. I used this program to get me there. If I want to make a lasting change to my life, I have to find a way to exercise that I can do anywhere and love long term. I want to try running. I don't know if I will ever love it, but it is something that I will be able to do anywhere, without any equipment other than shoes, and that will help me build a routine to keep up a healthy lifestyle. It's something I can do with friends, or Leif, if I choose and I can challenge myself with it by entering local fun or competitive runs. 

There's another reason I want to start running, and it doesn't have to do with my physical health. It does, however, have to do with my spiritual health. As I think about what it means to run with perseverance the race before us, I realize that I have never really run with perseverance. I don't know in practical terms what that means. And I will never know unless I actually try to run with perseverance. I don't think I can run with perseverance if I don't start running, so the most practical way it seems for me to start is through something like this. 

So I want to run the C25K program. 30 minutes, 3 times a week. I can do that. I can especially do that with some accountability and a lot of prayer. So please, hold me accountable. Ask me how I'm doing. Ask me how my running is going. And above all, pray for me. Because this is not just about my physical health but also my spiritual health, I am guessing it might require more than just willpower. I am expecting some opposition. But I am resolving that, even with opposition, even when the going gets tough, even when it hurts, or is inconvenient, I am going to do this. Because I was made for more than couch-potato-dom. 

So here's what it looks like. Next week I start running. Ideally, Monday, Wednesday, Friday, but 3 times, whenever it is. The workout looks like this....

Brisk five-minute warmup walk. Then alternate 60 seconds of jogging and 90 seconds of walking for a total of 20 minutes.


I like to finish with a 5 minute cool down, for a total of 30 minutes. 


Right now I'm walking on the treadmill for 45 minutes. I have about 5 minutes left. I have been walking 2 mph, but today I upped it to 2.5... I'm hoping to make it up to 3 mph as my brisk walking rate. That's what I'm working toward.

Every day, little by little, I can reach my goals.

I am kind of sad that I told myfitnesspal.com that my starting weight was 148.8, since now it only shows that I have lost 2 lbs instead of 5. However, I am not going to get discouraged about that, and instead celebrate that I am showing a loss since I started using myfitnesspal! 2 lbs lost!! Whoohoo!

a new low!

I weighed myself this morning and was pleasantly surprised to find that the scale said 146.6.t That is a new low for me this to round and past my 5lb loss mark! That feels good! I struggled with food yesterday, relying on sheer willpower to keep me from eating the wheat thin sticks on the table. They were calling to me, beckoning for me to open the box, not to eat, just to smell. Smelling is not so bad, right? But I knew that if I even opened the top just a crack I would not be able to stop myself from eating them. So I didn't. I picked up the box and put it away ... and stopped thinking about the sweet salty goodness inside. Out of sight, out of mind. It really was!

Walked on my treadmill today

Walked for 1 hour this morning on my treadmill! 236 Calories burned, according to the screen.

I weighed in at 147.4. No weight change, but there is a change inside that is exciting me more than the number on the scale ever could. Hooray!

Proverbs 1-10

I have never seen a connection between adultery and food before. But the passages in Proverbs are full of imagery and images linking the adulterous woman to food. My weakness has not been adultery, so I have not paid close attention to the passages on it before. But if I read them in light of my relationship with food... WOW! A brand new perspective is born! And then we come to passages about wisdom preparing a banquet of fruit and the simple rejecting it.... I am blown away by  the chapters I read this morning!

Insight. Wisdom. Bread. Wine. Fruit. Folly. Adultery. Discipline.

I am craving chocolate

I haven't been having cravings for days. Now, suddenly I'm home and I'm craving chocolate. I want to eat.

But you know what? I love God more than I love food. I love obedience more than I love temptation. I love excellence more than I love compromise. I love the lasting results of looking more like Him than I love the temporary satisfaction of chocolate on my tongue. I was made for more than this.

It's 3:00. I'm going to eat a healthy snack. And it won't be chocolate.

Home again, Home again...

I am home again! I knew I would be at the mercy of other people for meals (lunch and dinner yesterday), but I chose to make wise choices and I feel good about that! For lunch there were ham and cheese sandwiches, LOTS of "salads" - you know, the kind with fruit and jello and marshmallows and the like - and LOTS of cake / desserts. I had a sandwich and some baby carrots, and visited with friends and family members. It was wonderful!

Around 3:00 I needed to eat, so Robert and I went to a coffee shop. I was really wanting some fruit, since I hadn't had any yet, and I figured a coffee shop would be a nice place to get a banana or something. I was wrong. I ended up splitting an egg/sausage casserole thing with Robert (I ate 1/4 of it - was pretty excited about the moderation there! Just enough for a snack!) and I succumbed to a coconut mocha frappuccino. It sounded good. It was good. I did choose not to have whipped cream on top, and I enjoyed sipping it. I had about half of it and decided that I was satisfied, so I chose not to drink the rest of it. I'm calling that progress! I wasn't "depriving" myself or pouting over "throwing half a coffee drink away to save calories" or anything of the like. I chose to get it (whether that was a good choice or not), I enjoyed it, and chose not to indulge in all of it.

The same was true at dinner. We had lasagna and garlic bread. I had a small slice of garlic bread, a serving of lasagna, and iced tea. And then they brought out the cheesecake. It would have hurt my aunt's feelings if I'd just said no to the cheesecake, which I emotionally and physically could have done just fine. Instead, I asked if my mom would like to split a piece with me, which she did. I savored and enjoyed it along with the coffee and conversation. And I ate only half of it. Again, not depriving myself, just practicing moderation. It felt good!

At the end of the day, I totaled up my calories - I ended with 1228. My goal is 1200. That's not bad!! I am feeling like calorie counting is beginning to give me some freedom - not the counting in itself, by my changing attitudes about food.

Speaking of changing attitudes toward food, I finished reading Made to Crave. I didn't do the exercises, but just did a quick read-through. What an amazing book! I am looking forward to taking it a chapter at a time and thinking through my own personal issues this month/year. At 18 chapters, I think I will take the next 18 weeks to work through it... Want to join me??

victories!

I have had some huge victories in the last couple days! First off, I was invited to go to Applebee's after the meeting last night. I hadn't had dinner and I knew I needed a few more calories, but half price appetizer night is often more than I can handle. But I wanted the quality time with two good friends, so I looked at my calories and nutrition levels and the menu nonlinear. I needed protein and 308 calories. I chose to order mozzarella sticks and ate exactly 3 of them, which was 312 calories. I wasn't even tempted by the offers for spinach artichoke dip with chips, or cilantro lime tacks. I was thoroughly happy to eat what I decided and enjoy time with friends! Fried, yes. Moderation? YES! Today has been another day of victories. The plan was to fly to Kansas for my grandmother's funeral tomorrow. Leave at 9am, arrive at 4:30. Brought granola bars for smacks to have for lunch and 3pm. Planned ahead. Then my flight got delayed. By 1 we had gotten on the plane and then off again. I decided to buy overpriced airport food. My go to would normally be a vending machine and pop. Instead, I thought about what my body would need. Ham and cheese and lettuce sandwich on cibatta is what I got. It held me until 6pm, when I finally got to Denver, where I got a $15 meal voucher for my troubles. I was going to get chicken strips when I spotted the overpriced $14 grilled chicken Caesar salad. I asked for the dressing on the side. I didn't eat the croutons or garlic bread that came with it. I enjoyed every bite of the lettuce, parmesan, and chicken. And I recorded my calories. I feel so empowered that I can make healthy choices in the airport! I usually eat a cinnabon and froofroo coffee. Today I didn't and I didn't feel deprived! I also read a lot of Made To Crave. So excited to really work through these issues! It's now 10:15pm and I am waiting to be picked up from the airport. I have almost 400 calories left for today and I am hoping to find some fruit to fill my nutrition needs for those calories. It's late, but maybe I can find something. I drank my 2 literal of water today and didn't "need" my usual gingerale on the airplane. Water is good! So those are my recent victories. I weighed in at 147.4 today. Not quite a 5 lb loss, but good progress! It will continue as I continue to be focused and disciplined, working for the Lord as I serve him with my attitude, thoughts, body, and habits!

Learning the difference between hunger and cravings

I'm learning the difference between hunger and cravings. I'm sure many people just know the difference, but I am having to learn. And I think I am learning! If it's breakfast time, lunch time, 3pm, or dinner time, I'm hungry. If something just sounds good, I'm probably just craving it. I'm working on drinking water in between meals. That helps keep me full and helps keep the water weight off.

I weighed in at 147.8 today. Down 1 lb from yesterday, so if I can just do it again tomorrow I will show the 5 lb January loss!

Working on eating healthy today. Had a slimfast shake for breakfast. I like that as an alternative to yummy coffee that I so often want! I had a Weight Watchers meal for lunch. That was good, too, as I was feeling hungry and just wanted to munch on things. I decided before I got home (and before I went through the drive through at Wendy's!) that I was going to eat one, and it kept me from snacking on things, knowing that I was going to have hot, yummy Mexican food for lunch. Woohoo!

Today I am packing to head to Kansas for Mommom's funeral. I am playing piano and singing "In His Time" at the funeral and I am just remembering today that "He makes all things beautiful in His time" when I look in the mirror and feel wide. Even with my super cute slimming dress on, I still feel wide today! My feelings will not derail my focus, though!!

I didn't weigh myself this morning

But I am determined to hit that 5 lb loss mark!

The birthday party went well. I drank water - several glasses of water! It helped keep me feeling full. I also ate a few things, but kept it to a minimum... mostly celery with onion dip, which I actually found really satisfying! I had a few (5) seasoned mini pretzels, and half a piece of flourless chocolate cake.

Most of all, I recorded what I ate. And today, I decided to record what I ate again. I am actually struggling to get enough calories in, so that is my biggest thing right now. I am fighting against my mind, which says not to eat, because food equals weight gain. I know it's not true and can be detrimental, but I so DON'T want to give in to cravings that I swing the other way. For this reason, counting calories is good for me. It ensures that I get at least 1200 calories a day. Left to my own, I'd eat about 1000. That's about where I am right now, and I need to eat another 200 or so before I retire for the night.

I was going to skip the pot luck at church today because I didn't think I could have the self control to make wise choices. Guess what? I DID! I had protein-rich items, celery and onion dip (not as good as last night's!), and a couple glasses of water. Mostly I just enjoyed visiting with people and made it about the people instead of about the food. Success! That felt good!

What will feel even better is if I step on the scale in the morning and it is 146.8 or lower. The last weight I saw was yesterday and it was 148.8. Fluctuations are normal, I know, but it would be nice if the number on the scale would work with the date in my head to show me the results that I want. =D

I am headed to Kansas on Tuesday for my grandmother's funeral, so I probably won't be weighing myself after Tuesday morning until Friday when I am back. All the more reason to have a good weigh in on Tuesday morning! We'll see!

Small Victory

Today I went outside with Eliana to toss a baseball and practice catching. She wanted to do it. I dragged my feet. But in the end I went out with her and played ball. She was happy. I was happy. Not a whole lot of exercise, but it was a start. And a victory is a victory no matter how small!

Made to Crave

I have started reading "Made to Crave" by Lysa Terkurst. It is really helping me change my thinking about food and my food cravings and I am excited to delve deeper into what she says about food and cravings. I'm especially excited to start working through some of the questions and exercises she has at the end of every chapter. Right now I'm just doing a quick read-through and plan to dig deeper in February, but even just the quick read-through is helping my thought process.

I have also been thinking about tracking food again and am evaluating using My Fitness Pal as an alternative to Spark People. I haven't quite decided to switch, but I think the more important factor is trying to track again, consistently.

I have also been considering seeing a nutritionist through my Dr.'s office to get a good plan in place. I haven't made any decisions there, either, but it's something I'm considering.

I am discouraged by my weight a little bit, though I know the higher numbers are a direct reflection of how I've been eating lately. Half a bag of peanut m&m's here, a few small chocolate bars there... I crave, and then I binge. So just for today I have decided not to binge on what I'm craving. I can't speak for tomorrow, but TODAY that is what I've decided. When I am craving something, I can turn to God and He will provide the strength I need to get through the craving.

I have a birthday party tonight that I will be attending, and that is going to be challenging. It will be nice, though, when I come home victorious over my cravings and have had a good time WITHOUT the need for indulgence. I can just enjoy the company of good friends and fill up on the joy of celebrating a birthday instead of filling up on the empty satisfaction of cake. (I don't even know if there will be cake, I'm just assuming...)

And just for today, I am tracking my calories.

Bleh.

That's how I've been feeling in the evenings. Perhaps if I ate a little better after 3 pm I'd feel better.

I can do it!

Last night didn't go well. Eating was fine yesterday, but last night my friend came to model and we went to Plonk afterwards. I would have been fine to stick with one drink and a little of the cheese platter. Instead I had a drink and a half, part of the cheese platter (though not much because it was ALL goat or sheep cheese - blech!), and half (or more!) of a creme brulee trio. Ugh! I want to be frustrated with myself today, but the truth is that being frustrated won't do anything to go back and change yesterday. All I can do is make today a better one.

I can do this!

I CAN have a positive attitude.
I CAN adopt a healthy lifestyle.
I CAN forgive myself for past mistakes and make today a better one.
I CAN lose 20 lbs.

I have never lost 20 lbs before. The most I've ever lost is 15. But that doesn't mean it isn't doable. I CAN lose 20 lbs. And then I CAN lose 20 more. It won't be easy, but it can be done. And more than that, it can be done by ME!

Okay... forcing myself to get out of bed and leave the pity party behind me. Today is a new day, and it will be a GREAT one!

BMI... and thinking ahead.

You have a BMI of 28.67.

Your BMI is between 25 and 29.9 (Overweight)
People falling in this BMI range are considered overweight and would benefit from finding healthy ways to lower their weight, such as diet and exercise. Individuals who fall in this range are at increased risk for a variety of ilnesses. If your BMI is 27-29.99 your risk of health problems becomes higher. In a recent study an increased rate of blood pressure, diabetes and heart disease was recorded at 27.3 for women.

As I look at approaching my goal weight for this month, I need to also start thinking about what my next goal is. If I lose 5 lbs every month for a year, that's a total of... 60 lbs. I don't want to lose 60 lbs. So how am I going to calculate my goals for the year? Obviously, I could lose 40 lbs and then work on maintaining. But I think my first aim is to be healthy, which means reaching a BMI below 25. That means I am aiming for a weight of 127.8 as my first real bench-mark. That will bring me out of the Overweight category and into the Healthy Weight category. I will be just at the upper end of healthy weight, but that's my first bench-mark goal!

So... 127.8 lbs is 19 lbs from where I am now. If I lose 5 lbs in February, March, April, and May, that will take me to a healthy weight by the start of June. That sounds so far away! But perhaps that's because change takes time. So... I think I will stick with my 5 lbs a month goal and see where it gets me. 

Today's Weight...

This morning I got on the scale and it said 146.8... Woohoo! That's the lowest number I've seen yet this month!

That is officially 5 lbs (my goal weight loss for January), though there are sure to be fluctuations along the way, so we'll see how the month actually ends up! Either way, it was nice to see a lower number on the scale!

Happy Saturday!!

I told myself I would...

... So I am exercising. I said I would get on the treadmill today, so I am. It might be 11:45pm, but I said I would and I am.

Working on being a woman of my word to myself.

Coffee....

Today I had my first coffee drink (sweet, creamy coffee drink, that is) since the beginning of the year. It would seem that I am getting tea or black coffee when out and about, which is good. Today, though, I got a yummy coffee drink and savored every moment of it. I also planned to have it, so it wasn't something that I was craving. It was something that I planned for last night and got this morning, and it was a big part of my breakfast. I also got it sugar free, which helped me not drop to a blood sugar low afterward.

In all, I am learning to eat breakfast, lunch, a 3:00 snack, and dinner. That seems to be a good food schedule for me.

Still working on the exercise front, but it is a work in progress. My plan is to exercise 3 times this week. So far I've exercised once. Tomorrow morning Kristiina and I are going ice skating with the girls, so hopefully I will get some exercise in that way, but only if I actually push myself and work at it.

Comparison

I am working on this. Today I can honestly say I lived a better day than yesterday. Woohoo! I walked on the treadmill for 45 minutes. I did the things I said I was going to do in my day. I ate relatively well. I weighed myself this morning and I'm at 148.0. My goal for the month is to lose 5 lbs. So far I'm down 3.8 lbs! Of course, fluctuations exists and will continue, but I'm heading in the right direction. Hooray!

This week was a struggle...

I weighed in at 149.0 this morning, so I am down a little, but the biggest struggle this week has been in my mind. I hit a certain point in the day and it's all I can do not to eat everything in sight. Not healthy foods, either! I finished off some chocolate I found. I ate several packages of snacks in one sitting. I didn't exercise. It's been a rough week.

It's hard to make a mental shift, but I have to remember that this is ABOUT making a mental shift, not about the number on the scale. The number on the scale only tells me if what's going on in my head is impacting my body in a positive way.

So here's to a better week. Here's to a week of PURPOSEFUL PLANNING and PERSISTENCE toward my goal.

A week into the new year

Here we are a week into the new year and I am still feeling good about my changing eating habits. While certainly not perfect, I am making progress. I weighed in at 149.2, which means I'm down 2.5 lbs this week. Woohoo! 2.5 lbs to go and I will have made my goal for the month of January!

Let's See...

The week is going well!! I have been weighing myself daily and my weight log looks something like this so far...

1/1 - 151.8
1/2 - 150.6
1/3 - 149.8
1/4 - 147.8
1/5 - 149.6

So I am losing weight, even if it is just the initial water weight, it's something! It shows progress!

I am currently on the treadmill, at 55 minutes, working my way toward an hour of walking today!

Eating is good. I ate a little more than I would have last night since we had date night at the Pickle Barrel, but still it was not too bad. A half turkey and provolone.

In general I am not counting calories specifically, but I am exercising moderation at meals, thinking about what is going into my body and when. I generally eat breakfast, lunch, an afternoon snack, and dinner. I've been drinking about a liter of water a day, and would like to get that up to 2 liters soon.

I'm not kicking myself for what I did yesterday, or planning out what I can do better tomorrow, I am simply working on making the best choices today, right now. So far it seems to be going well.

I actually feel free right now. I am free to make whatever choices I want, knowing that each choice has a consequence, be it good or bad. Do I REALLY want to take a sip of pop? If so, I just need to know that there are consequences. That allowed me to take 2 sips yesterday, but not drink the entire pop or get one for myself. I was happy just having a little of Leif's. I wasn't deprived, I was just... moderate.

I am working on adjusting my thinking as a whole, instead of just working toward balance in only one area of my life. So far it seems to be good. My home is functioning better, it is a more peaceful place, and I have been happier this week. Happier as in content. It's a good place to be.

I'm not promising daily updates or anything here, though prompting me through comments will probably get you an update, and that is good. =D I have learned that one thing I rebel against is the strict schedules I try to hold myself to, so I am working toward a balanced approach of updating when I remember and when it fits with my overall schedule. I am TRULY working on a principle of progress this year, instead of working toward perfection.

Update...

Just hopped on the treadmill for an hour! I walked at a moderate pace and entered stuff into my computer and burned 200 calories. Woot! If I do this every day it would make a difference! The time certainly flies when I'm walking and busily doing something else, too!

January 1, 2012

I should add that this is what I look like on January 1, 2012...

From Fashion Frenzy

That will give me a baseline to compare with as the year goes by!

This is what I'm trying to remember this year. Working out makes me feel good. 

I didn't work out today, but I did at least THINK about what I was eating. =D That's a good way to start out the year, right? Here's a basic breakdown of what I've consumed today:

Breakfast: None. I was in a hurry to get off to church (and we were still late!) so I skipped out on breakfast.

Snack: I ate one teeny tiny roll (think ping pong ball size) at church because curiosity got the better of me and I wanted to know what it tasted like!

Lunch: Leif made me a turkey sandwich on buttered toast for lunch. 

Snack: This is where I fell apart today... I had a banana, which was fine. Then I had an english muffin with butter and jam. That probably would have been fine, too, except that I followed it up with a large bowl of cinnamon swirl cereal. I'm thinking 3pm eating is not my friend.

Dinner: We just finished dinner and I had a baked potato with butter and salt. 

So... my thoughts on food for today are... I shouldn't skip breakfast, but I did. 3pm eating is dangerous for me and where I will likely fall apart during the day. I probably had too much butter, since it was a part of 3 meals/snacks today. Also, I didn't have any vegetables today. Hmmm... 

Now, before I go, I should also say that I actually dared to step on the scale this morning first thing, and kind of wish I hadn't. But I did. I needed to. And I'm pretty sure I weigh now what I weighed at the end of my pregnancy with Eliana. My waist is officially the same size as Leif's, since I had to borrow his old snow pants as mine no longer fit. I officially weigh 151.8 lbs according to my scale this morning, and would really like to see myself 40 lbs lighter by this time next year. I don't know if that will happen, but that's what I would like. I don't have a plan right now for how it's going to happen, but it will have to be a combination of eating better and exercising. DUH. But as for how I'm going to do it, I don't know. I don't really want to count calories or points, and I don't know that I want to lock myself into an unrealistic workout schedule, so I'm trying to figure out what I want to do.  But that's where I am. 

So, now that I'm feeling depressed after that last paragraph, maybe I should go hop on the treadmill for a while. After all, I'm only one workout away from a good mood!!