victories!

I have had some huge victories in the last couple days! First off, I was invited to go to Applebee's after the meeting last night. I hadn't had dinner and I knew I needed a few more calories, but half price appetizer night is often more than I can handle. But I wanted the quality time with two good friends, so I looked at my calories and nutrition levels and the menu nonlinear. I needed protein and 308 calories. I chose to order mozzarella sticks and ate exactly 3 of them, which was 312 calories. I wasn't even tempted by the offers for spinach artichoke dip with chips, or cilantro lime tacks. I was thoroughly happy to eat what I decided and enjoy time with friends! Fried, yes. Moderation? YES! Today has been another day of victories. The plan was to fly to Kansas for my grandmother's funeral tomorrow. Leave at 9am, arrive at 4:30. Brought granola bars for smacks to have for lunch and 3pm. Planned ahead. Then my flight got delayed. By 1 we had gotten on the plane and then off again. I decided to buy overpriced airport food. My go to would normally be a vending machine and pop. Instead, I thought about what my body would need. Ham and cheese and lettuce sandwich on cibatta is what I got. It held me until 6pm, when I finally got to Denver, where I got a $15 meal voucher for my troubles. I was going to get chicken strips when I spotted the overpriced $14 grilled chicken Caesar salad. I asked for the dressing on the side. I didn't eat the croutons or garlic bread that came with it. I enjoyed every bite of the lettuce, parmesan, and chicken. And I recorded my calories. I feel so empowered that I can make healthy choices in the airport! I usually eat a cinnabon and froofroo coffee. Today I didn't and I didn't feel deprived! I also read a lot of Made To Crave. So excited to really work through these issues! It's now 10:15pm and I am waiting to be picked up from the airport. I have almost 400 calories left for today and I am hoping to find some fruit to fill my nutrition needs for those calories. It's late, but maybe I can find something. I drank my 2 literal of water today and didn't "need" my usual gingerale on the airplane. Water is good! So those are my recent victories. I weighed in at 147.4 today. Not quite a 5 lb loss, but good progress! It will continue as I continue to be focused and disciplined, working for the Lord as I serve him with my attitude, thoughts, body, and habits!

Learning the difference between hunger and cravings

I'm learning the difference between hunger and cravings. I'm sure many people just know the difference, but I am having to learn. And I think I am learning! If it's breakfast time, lunch time, 3pm, or dinner time, I'm hungry. If something just sounds good, I'm probably just craving it. I'm working on drinking water in between meals. That helps keep me full and helps keep the water weight off.

I weighed in at 147.8 today. Down 1 lb from yesterday, so if I can just do it again tomorrow I will show the 5 lb January loss!

Working on eating healthy today. Had a slimfast shake for breakfast. I like that as an alternative to yummy coffee that I so often want! I had a Weight Watchers meal for lunch. That was good, too, as I was feeling hungry and just wanted to munch on things. I decided before I got home (and before I went through the drive through at Wendy's!) that I was going to eat one, and it kept me from snacking on things, knowing that I was going to have hot, yummy Mexican food for lunch. Woohoo!

Today I am packing to head to Kansas for Mommom's funeral. I am playing piano and singing "In His Time" at the funeral and I am just remembering today that "He makes all things beautiful in His time" when I look in the mirror and feel wide. Even with my super cute slimming dress on, I still feel wide today! My feelings will not derail my focus, though!!

I didn't weigh myself this morning

But I am determined to hit that 5 lb loss mark!

The birthday party went well. I drank water - several glasses of water! It helped keep me feeling full. I also ate a few things, but kept it to a minimum... mostly celery with onion dip, which I actually found really satisfying! I had a few (5) seasoned mini pretzels, and half a piece of flourless chocolate cake.

Most of all, I recorded what I ate. And today, I decided to record what I ate again. I am actually struggling to get enough calories in, so that is my biggest thing right now. I am fighting against my mind, which says not to eat, because food equals weight gain. I know it's not true and can be detrimental, but I so DON'T want to give in to cravings that I swing the other way. For this reason, counting calories is good for me. It ensures that I get at least 1200 calories a day. Left to my own, I'd eat about 1000. That's about where I am right now, and I need to eat another 200 or so before I retire for the night.

I was going to skip the pot luck at church today because I didn't think I could have the self control to make wise choices. Guess what? I DID! I had protein-rich items, celery and onion dip (not as good as last night's!), and a couple glasses of water. Mostly I just enjoyed visiting with people and made it about the people instead of about the food. Success! That felt good!

What will feel even better is if I step on the scale in the morning and it is 146.8 or lower. The last weight I saw was yesterday and it was 148.8. Fluctuations are normal, I know, but it would be nice if the number on the scale would work with the date in my head to show me the results that I want. =D

I am headed to Kansas on Tuesday for my grandmother's funeral, so I probably won't be weighing myself after Tuesday morning until Friday when I am back. All the more reason to have a good weigh in on Tuesday morning! We'll see!

Small Victory

Today I went outside with Eliana to toss a baseball and practice catching. She wanted to do it. I dragged my feet. But in the end I went out with her and played ball. She was happy. I was happy. Not a whole lot of exercise, but it was a start. And a victory is a victory no matter how small!

Made to Crave

I have started reading "Made to Crave" by Lysa Terkurst. It is really helping me change my thinking about food and my food cravings and I am excited to delve deeper into what she says about food and cravings. I'm especially excited to start working through some of the questions and exercises she has at the end of every chapter. Right now I'm just doing a quick read-through and plan to dig deeper in February, but even just the quick read-through is helping my thought process.

I have also been thinking about tracking food again and am evaluating using My Fitness Pal as an alternative to Spark People. I haven't quite decided to switch, but I think the more important factor is trying to track again, consistently.

I have also been considering seeing a nutritionist through my Dr.'s office to get a good plan in place. I haven't made any decisions there, either, but it's something I'm considering.

I am discouraged by my weight a little bit, though I know the higher numbers are a direct reflection of how I've been eating lately. Half a bag of peanut m&m's here, a few small chocolate bars there... I crave, and then I binge. So just for today I have decided not to binge on what I'm craving. I can't speak for tomorrow, but TODAY that is what I've decided. When I am craving something, I can turn to God and He will provide the strength I need to get through the craving.

I have a birthday party tonight that I will be attending, and that is going to be challenging. It will be nice, though, when I come home victorious over my cravings and have had a good time WITHOUT the need for indulgence. I can just enjoy the company of good friends and fill up on the joy of celebrating a birthday instead of filling up on the empty satisfaction of cake. (I don't even know if there will be cake, I'm just assuming...)

And just for today, I am tracking my calories.

Bleh.

That's how I've been feeling in the evenings. Perhaps if I ate a little better after 3 pm I'd feel better.

I can do it!

Last night didn't go well. Eating was fine yesterday, but last night my friend came to model and we went to Plonk afterwards. I would have been fine to stick with one drink and a little of the cheese platter. Instead I had a drink and a half, part of the cheese platter (though not much because it was ALL goat or sheep cheese - blech!), and half (or more!) of a creme brulee trio. Ugh! I want to be frustrated with myself today, but the truth is that being frustrated won't do anything to go back and change yesterday. All I can do is make today a better one.

I can do this!

I CAN have a positive attitude.
I CAN adopt a healthy lifestyle.
I CAN forgive myself for past mistakes and make today a better one.
I CAN lose 20 lbs.

I have never lost 20 lbs before. The most I've ever lost is 15. But that doesn't mean it isn't doable. I CAN lose 20 lbs. And then I CAN lose 20 more. It won't be easy, but it can be done. And more than that, it can be done by ME!

Okay... forcing myself to get out of bed and leave the pity party behind me. Today is a new day, and it will be a GREAT one!

BMI... and thinking ahead.

You have a BMI of 28.67.

Your BMI is between 25 and 29.9 (Overweight)
People falling in this BMI range are considered overweight and would benefit from finding healthy ways to lower their weight, such as diet and exercise. Individuals who fall in this range are at increased risk for a variety of ilnesses. If your BMI is 27-29.99 your risk of health problems becomes higher. In a recent study an increased rate of blood pressure, diabetes and heart disease was recorded at 27.3 for women.

As I look at approaching my goal weight for this month, I need to also start thinking about what my next goal is. If I lose 5 lbs every month for a year, that's a total of... 60 lbs. I don't want to lose 60 lbs. So how am I going to calculate my goals for the year? Obviously, I could lose 40 lbs and then work on maintaining. But I think my first aim is to be healthy, which means reaching a BMI below 25. That means I am aiming for a weight of 127.8 as my first real bench-mark. That will bring me out of the Overweight category and into the Healthy Weight category. I will be just at the upper end of healthy weight, but that's my first bench-mark goal!

So... 127.8 lbs is 19 lbs from where I am now. If I lose 5 lbs in February, March, April, and May, that will take me to a healthy weight by the start of June. That sounds so far away! But perhaps that's because change takes time. So... I think I will stick with my 5 lbs a month goal and see where it gets me. 

Today's Weight...

This morning I got on the scale and it said 146.8... Woohoo! That's the lowest number I've seen yet this month!

That is officially 5 lbs (my goal weight loss for January), though there are sure to be fluctuations along the way, so we'll see how the month actually ends up! Either way, it was nice to see a lower number on the scale!

Happy Saturday!!

I told myself I would...

... So I am exercising. I said I would get on the treadmill today, so I am. It might be 11:45pm, but I said I would and I am.

Working on being a woman of my word to myself.

Coffee....

Today I had my first coffee drink (sweet, creamy coffee drink, that is) since the beginning of the year. It would seem that I am getting tea or black coffee when out and about, which is good. Today, though, I got a yummy coffee drink and savored every moment of it. I also planned to have it, so it wasn't something that I was craving. It was something that I planned for last night and got this morning, and it was a big part of my breakfast. I also got it sugar free, which helped me not drop to a blood sugar low afterward.

In all, I am learning to eat breakfast, lunch, a 3:00 snack, and dinner. That seems to be a good food schedule for me.

Still working on the exercise front, but it is a work in progress. My plan is to exercise 3 times this week. So far I've exercised once. Tomorrow morning Kristiina and I are going ice skating with the girls, so hopefully I will get some exercise in that way, but only if I actually push myself and work at it.

Comparison

I am working on this. Today I can honestly say I lived a better day than yesterday. Woohoo! I walked on the treadmill for 45 minutes. I did the things I said I was going to do in my day. I ate relatively well. I weighed myself this morning and I'm at 148.0. My goal for the month is to lose 5 lbs. So far I'm down 3.8 lbs! Of course, fluctuations exists and will continue, but I'm heading in the right direction. Hooray!

This week was a struggle...

I weighed in at 149.0 this morning, so I am down a little, but the biggest struggle this week has been in my mind. I hit a certain point in the day and it's all I can do not to eat everything in sight. Not healthy foods, either! I finished off some chocolate I found. I ate several packages of snacks in one sitting. I didn't exercise. It's been a rough week.

It's hard to make a mental shift, but I have to remember that this is ABOUT making a mental shift, not about the number on the scale. The number on the scale only tells me if what's going on in my head is impacting my body in a positive way.

So here's to a better week. Here's to a week of PURPOSEFUL PLANNING and PERSISTENCE toward my goal.

A week into the new year

Here we are a week into the new year and I am still feeling good about my changing eating habits. While certainly not perfect, I am making progress. I weighed in at 149.2, which means I'm down 2.5 lbs this week. Woohoo! 2.5 lbs to go and I will have made my goal for the month of January!

Let's See...

The week is going well!! I have been weighing myself daily and my weight log looks something like this so far...

1/1 - 151.8
1/2 - 150.6
1/3 - 149.8
1/4 - 147.8
1/5 - 149.6

So I am losing weight, even if it is just the initial water weight, it's something! It shows progress!

I am currently on the treadmill, at 55 minutes, working my way toward an hour of walking today!

Eating is good. I ate a little more than I would have last night since we had date night at the Pickle Barrel, but still it was not too bad. A half turkey and provolone.

In general I am not counting calories specifically, but I am exercising moderation at meals, thinking about what is going into my body and when. I generally eat breakfast, lunch, an afternoon snack, and dinner. I've been drinking about a liter of water a day, and would like to get that up to 2 liters soon.

I'm not kicking myself for what I did yesterday, or planning out what I can do better tomorrow, I am simply working on making the best choices today, right now. So far it seems to be going well.

I actually feel free right now. I am free to make whatever choices I want, knowing that each choice has a consequence, be it good or bad. Do I REALLY want to take a sip of pop? If so, I just need to know that there are consequences. That allowed me to take 2 sips yesterday, but not drink the entire pop or get one for myself. I was happy just having a little of Leif's. I wasn't deprived, I was just... moderate.

I am working on adjusting my thinking as a whole, instead of just working toward balance in only one area of my life. So far it seems to be good. My home is functioning better, it is a more peaceful place, and I have been happier this week. Happier as in content. It's a good place to be.

I'm not promising daily updates or anything here, though prompting me through comments will probably get you an update, and that is good. =D I have learned that one thing I rebel against is the strict schedules I try to hold myself to, so I am working toward a balanced approach of updating when I remember and when it fits with my overall schedule. I am TRULY working on a principle of progress this year, instead of working toward perfection.

Update...

Just hopped on the treadmill for an hour! I walked at a moderate pace and entered stuff into my computer and burned 200 calories. Woot! If I do this every day it would make a difference! The time certainly flies when I'm walking and busily doing something else, too!

January 1, 2012

I should add that this is what I look like on January 1, 2012...

From Fashion Frenzy

That will give me a baseline to compare with as the year goes by!

This is what I'm trying to remember this year. Working out makes me feel good. 

I didn't work out today, but I did at least THINK about what I was eating. =D That's a good way to start out the year, right? Here's a basic breakdown of what I've consumed today:

Breakfast: None. I was in a hurry to get off to church (and we were still late!) so I skipped out on breakfast.

Snack: I ate one teeny tiny roll (think ping pong ball size) at church because curiosity got the better of me and I wanted to know what it tasted like!

Lunch: Leif made me a turkey sandwich on buttered toast for lunch. 

Snack: This is where I fell apart today... I had a banana, which was fine. Then I had an english muffin with butter and jam. That probably would have been fine, too, except that I followed it up with a large bowl of cinnamon swirl cereal. I'm thinking 3pm eating is not my friend.

Dinner: We just finished dinner and I had a baked potato with butter and salt. 

So... my thoughts on food for today are... I shouldn't skip breakfast, but I did. 3pm eating is dangerous for me and where I will likely fall apart during the day. I probably had too much butter, since it was a part of 3 meals/snacks today. Also, I didn't have any vegetables today. Hmmm... 

Now, before I go, I should also say that I actually dared to step on the scale this morning first thing, and kind of wish I hadn't. But I did. I needed to. And I'm pretty sure I weigh now what I weighed at the end of my pregnancy with Eliana. My waist is officially the same size as Leif's, since I had to borrow his old snow pants as mine no longer fit. I officially weigh 151.8 lbs according to my scale this morning, and would really like to see myself 40 lbs lighter by this time next year. I don't know if that will happen, but that's what I would like. I don't have a plan right now for how it's going to happen, but it will have to be a combination of eating better and exercising. DUH. But as for how I'm going to do it, I don't know. I don't really want to count calories or points, and I don't know that I want to lock myself into an unrealistic workout schedule, so I'm trying to figure out what I want to do.  But that's where I am. 

So, now that I'm feeling depressed after that last paragraph, maybe I should go hop on the treadmill for a while. After all, I'm only one workout away from a good mood!!