I stepped on it.

I have been avoiding the scale this week, especially since the eating and calorie counting have been going so well. What if I step on it and it says I haven't lost anything? What if it says I weigh more? What if it says I have lost a little weight? Really, what is on the scale is just a number and doesn't mean a whole lot in contrast to a healthier body and a healthier lifestyle. But I stepped on it anyway. Wanna know what it said? 2 lbs less than it said Monday. It's just a number, and it shouldn't make me so giddy, but it does. Hooray for lost poundage!

Rats! It's math time again...

Hmph. The problem with counting calories is that it's all based on math. How am I supposed to come up with a realistic goal without doing math? How am I supposed to reach my goal without doing math? So... math it is.

140 lbs.

I need to lose... well, ideally I want to lose 30-35 of that. But we'll just start with, say, 10%, which is 14 lbs. Yeah, let's start with 14 lbs. That seems reasonable.

I want to lose 14 lbs, which means I need to rid myself of... 49,000 calories. (Sheesh! That's a lot!)

If I've BEEN eating about 1800 calories a day (which is probably low, in all honesty), then I can save 500 calories a day just by sticking to 1200-1300 calories daily. At that rate it will take me 98 days to lose 14 lbs, or 14 weeks. Or 1 lb a week. That's reasonable, but I think I can do just a smidge better, with a little exercise.

So... add in some moderate exercise, say, burning 200 calories 5 days a week through exercise, and I should lose that a little faster. Hmmm...

500 calories x 7 days a week = 3500 calories

200 calories x 5 days a week = 1000 calories

At that rate, it will take me just shy of 11 weeks to lose 14 lbs.

If I up that to 300 calories burned 5 days a week, that's 1500 calories a week burned through exercise.

At that rate it will take me just shy of 10 weeks to lose 14 lbs, and I'll be losing just under a lb and a half a week. That seems reasonable. So... 10 weeks. Hmph.

10 weeks from now is... November 29th. I could be 126 lbs by November 29th.

I'll give that a shot.

Food Rules

I'm reading a book called "Food Rules" by Michael Pollan. It's an eater's manual full of rules that, if you follow them, will have you eating foods that are much better for you than the synthetic stuff most of us eat on a regular basis.

Now, I am a huge fan of Splenda, as I like to cheat my way out of calories without losing the sweet things I love. But I am wondering if what I have been doing is really just that... cheating. So... I'm considering following some of these food rules. Who knows, maybe it will make a difference.

So... here I am. I am 140 lbs. That's the biggest I've ever been, save when I was pregnant. I am dissatisfied with my weight. I am dissatisfied with my body. I want my outside to reflect who I am inside, and I don't think it does right now. But, it turns out that wallowing in self pity really only makes you want comfort food more, not less, and doesn't do a thing to help the predicament you're in.

So... I'm going to attempt to drag myself out of this pit I've dug. I'm scared to try, because I'm so tired of failing. Sometimes it's easier to just lay at the bottom of the hole instead of trying to start climbing out of it. But I'm dusting myself off today, and starting the climb. I don't know how far I'll make it, but I've got my first hold on the dirty face of my hole and I'm starting the climb. This morning's climb began with oatmeal and 2 cups of black coffee. Now, I'm not saying that the coffee is the best for me, or that the oatmeal I chose was 100% natural, but it's better than, say, a cinnamon roll or nothing at all.

I saw a friend yesterday whom I haven't seen since April. She looks fabulous. She's lost 20 lbs since I saw her last. I asked her how she did it... calorie counting and exercise. Huh, exactly what has worked for me in the past. So... I'm inspired to go back to calorie counting. This time, though, I'm going to try to calorie count while eating mostly whole foods. I'm going to work at not cheating myself out of calories by turning to synthetics. I'm going to work at eating better foods instead of just less food.

SO.... this week's challenge? Get back on SparkPeople. Start tracking calories again. Aim for 12-1300 a day. And go for whole foods. The rules I'm trying to follow?

1. Don't eat anything my great-grandmother wouldn't recognize as food.

2. Don't eat anything containing ingredients no ordinary human would keep in the pantry.

3. Don't eat anything containing high fructose corn syrup.

4. Don't eat anything with sugar listed in the first 3 ingredients.

That's what I'm striving toward. So far, I'm not doing too badly. The oatmeal I chose for breakfast could be better. We have some Wheat Montana oats, so once I finish the small box of oats I have been eating, I'll switch over to Wheat Montana. That will be good. I'm hoping that going through this book will transform what the inside of our pantry looks like, which will change the foods we eat on a daily basis.

Here it goes. I'm scared, but it's time to climb. I'm tired of being at the bottom of the hole.