I have a number in my head, a goal that I have been working toward. That number is 110, about 5 lbs from where I am now. And yet I can't seem to get past 115, nor can I seem to find the motivation to get past 115. And so it makes my wonder why.
Is it because I am content at 115?
I admit that I am happy with how I look at this weight. It is within the healthy range for my height and frame, and I feel attractive. So why isn't this my goal weight?
I think a large part of it is because I want to "one-up" a friend from college who is at 115 and happy there. I want to beat her weight, just to prove that I can. I was always just a tad smaller than her in college and I want to be there again. Somehow I feel that that will "redeem" me for being overweight the last 7 years. She made a comment once that hurt and stuck with me, and I just want to prove that I'm not the "big" one of the group any longer. But I don't think that's a healthy reason for wanting to get down to 110. Something I need to deal with? Yes. Something I need to use as motivation for weight loss? No.
Part of my reason for wanting to be 110 is because it is one step closer to the weight I was when I got married. If I can get down to 110 I can get down to 105, and that's what I weighed when I wore my beautiful wedding dress. I would love to get down to that size again!
Part of my reason, too, is that I feel like I ought to be the "ideal" weight for my height and frame, according to the doctor's charts. And for 5 feet tall, small frame, that is 100 lbs. So I just keep setting my goal 5 lbs lower each time I reach it in hopes that someday I will be down to 100 lbs again. Then I would be not just average, but small. And oh, I do miss being small!
So I guess what I need to figure out is if I really need to strive to be smaller, or if I should simply strive for daily moderation and healthy living and be content with my weight and size. I guess I need to rethink my reasons behind wanting to lose weight and make sure that they are honorable and right. At what point do I start trying to maintain my weight instead of lose it?
1 comment:
I think you look beautiful. I think competition with someone in your mind is common (an experience I've had) but that doesn't make it healthy. I would not think of you as a quitter if you re-evaluated and said this is a great place to be. It is better to be healthy and realistic, because getting way down and then gaining back is not healthy for you at all. Plus, when you got married you had not had a baby yet. That does make a forever difference in a woman's body, and to deny that is false!
So, let me know what you decide, and I'll be ready to support you in a maintenance plan.
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