127.5

That's the uppermost limit of a healthy weight according to my BMI.

It's also about 20 lbs less than I weigh right now.

Of course, what I weigh right now is about 10 lbs less than what I weighed a few months ago. And that's good.

I am overweight. But I am no longer obese. Thank you, Lord!

I had been feeling better the past month and was considering adding exercise into my routine again, somehow. Then last night my RA flared up again, after being more or less okay for a couple months. Today I was so sore it hurt to breathe because my ribs hurt when I inhaled. *sigh* (ouch)

Honestly, this flare is better than the ones this summer before I was on the MTX, so that is good. But no flare would feel better.

I had a good weekend. I got things done, like helping Eliana clean her room, including doing laundry and putting together her uniforms for the week. It was good. We made her lunches for the week together, too. Then, by about 2:30, I was done. Out of energy. Nothing left. D.O.N.E. But I didn't have much in the way of school work to do, so it was okay. It was nice, in fact, to be able to be DONE when my energy ran out. It was nice not to have a pile of demands screaming at me, and instead just to be able to listen to my body and rest when I needed to.

Today, however, I had things that had to be done. Class to be taught. Teachers' meeting to attend. An evening visit to friends that had to be made. I pushed through and got everything done, but am wondering how that will affect tomorrow. It is now 11pm and I really need to be heading to bed.

In all honesty, though, I am scared to go to bed. If I hurt this much now, and laying still all night long just makes me stiff in the morning, how much will I hurt tomorrow? The morning stiffness didn't go away today. It just got worse. If I sleep and the stiffness starts out worse tomorrow, will I be able to do what is required of me? These are my fears.

Fear, though, doesn't come from Christ. And the trouble that I fear is from tomorrow. I can do nothing about what may or may not happen tomorrow. So I set my fears aside (repeatedly, if necessary) and cling to the hope that keeps me going: that my God is sufficient for me. His grace is sufficient for me. His mercies are new every morning. So I am headed to bed, with hope in my heart for all that tomorrow will bring. Tomorrow might bring more pain. It might bring relief. Either way, it is the day that the Lord has made, and I will rejoice and be glad in it. I will thank Him for the pain, as it causes me to grow. I will thank Him for the relief as it allows me to accomplish the tasks before me. I will thank Him for the pain, as it forces me to lean on Him. I will thank Him for the relief, as it allows those He's placed in my care to lean on me. Each day is a new opportunity for growth, for life, for grace, for mercy, for glory... His glory.

Great is His faithfulness. Amen.