*frown*

I am frustrated with my weight. I don't like thinking about it. I want to do something about it, but I am sure that I am going to fail. Again. And then I am reminded that I shouldn't be working on losing weight for Leif or myself or my daughter, but for the Lord. And then I wonder why my weight matters to the Lord. I realize that it's not the weight that matters to Him, but whether or not I am healthy enough to do what He asks me to do, no matter what that is. I know that my weight is related to my health, but it is frustrating. Sometimes I just want to scream and then cry and give up before I've begun. But when has giving up ever been glorifying to God? Doesn't He ask us to run with perseverance the race before us?

SIGH.

I suppose it's time I put my running shoes on. I don't want to. But it wouldn't be the first time I worked with perseverance toward something I didn't want to do.

I have some underlying issues that are beginning to surface that I know I will need to deal with if I am ever going to make progress in this area. I have a feeling I am ready to deal with them, but that the dealing won't necessarily be easy, so I will be looking for support.

What if my weight issues aren't related to calories so much as they are related to how much I pay attention to what is going into my mouth and why? What if I don't have to count every calorie and calculate every point? Would I succeed long term if I simply changed my habits? If I learned to downsize my portions and adopt healthier lifestyle choices? What if Eliana and I walked to school, went iceskating more, danced around the house together, and played more active games? What if instead of making cookies together we made dinner together? What if I walked to the mailbox instead of picking up the mail when I drove by? What if I walked on the treadmill when making calls like I have done and enjoyed before?

It looks like I have some things to think about and work on. Year after year I feel like I want to change things, and it doesn't happen. How do I make it different this year?

The Goal

The goal is being my healthiest for the glory of God. I am His vessel, to be used as He chooses, and I am to be prepared for whatever He calls me to do - that includes being healthy enough to do His will when and where He calls me to do something.

Coffee Date

Had a coffee date with a friend today at Weebees. She suggested we walk there from my house, so we did. It was fun! I'm calling that my exercise for today... 2 miles of speed walking. Sounds good to me!

Body Attack

At the suggestion of a friend of mine, I attended a Body Attack class at The Ridge this morning. It was 55 minutes of high energy butt-kicking, but it was FUN! I would like to attend every Saturday morning. That would be fun! I definitely am out of shape, but that was a good way to burn 500+ calories! Here's a video I found that gives a good idea of what Body Attack is like...

One of the things that I liked is that you keep moving ALL class long, even if you are out of breath. They have variations on the moves so you can do them no matter what. Just keep moving! Definitely not as scary as I thought it was going to be for a beginner. I'd go back!

Didn't make it....

I had coughing fits all day yesterday any time I exerted myself at all, so I decided not to go to the step class @ the gym. This cold is kicking my rear. I'm off to Chico for the MK retreat this weekend, so hopefully I'll be able to hit the gym when I return.

I called to cancel my gym membership today...

... I haven't used it in 2 months. Not since I went to Texas in July, so probably closer to 3 months. Turns out I'm locked in until February. So... I'll be heading to the gym in the morning. I'll walk Eliana to school, then head to the gym for a 9am step class. We'll see how it goes. =D

Fighting...

I feel myself fighting these days. I'm tired of fighting with my weight. I'm tired of fighting with myself. I'm kind of just tired. I have started taking vitamins again, in hopes that my energy levels will return. Is it just the change of season that's getting me down? Is it the sun setting earlier? Is it the sudden start of school that has me up and doing more every day? I don't know. But I know that Leif took Eliana to school today and it is 9:40 and I haven't gotten dressed yet or really even left my room. I should probably do something about that, but I'm not sure that I want to.

Today's list includes cleaning the house so we can show it to friends who are coming over for dinner. I'd like to get some laundry and calls done, too.