I am frustrated with my weight. I don't like thinking about it. I want to do something about it, but I am sure that I am going to fail. Again. And then I am reminded that I shouldn't be working on losing weight for Leif or myself or my daughter, but for the Lord. And then I wonder why my weight matters to the Lord. I realize that it's not the weight that matters to Him, but whether or not I am healthy enough to do what He asks me to do, no matter what that is. I know that my weight is related to my health, but it is frustrating. Sometimes I just want to scream and then cry and give up before I've begun. But when has giving up ever been glorifying to God? Doesn't He ask us to run with perseverance the race before us?
SIGH.
I suppose it's time I put my running shoes on. I don't want to. But it wouldn't be the first time I worked with perseverance toward something I didn't want to do.
I have some underlying issues that are beginning to surface that I know I will need to deal with if I am ever going to make progress in this area. I have a feeling I am ready to deal with them, but that the dealing won't necessarily be easy, so I will be looking for support.
What if my weight issues aren't related to calories so much as they are related to how much I pay attention to what is going into my mouth and why? What if I don't have to count every calorie and calculate every point? Would I succeed long term if I simply changed my habits? If I learned to downsize my portions and adopt healthier lifestyle choices? What if Eliana and I walked to school, went iceskating more, danced around the house together, and played more active games? What if instead of making cookies together we made dinner together? What if I walked to the mailbox instead of picking up the mail when I drove by? What if I walked on the treadmill when making calls like I have done and enjoyed before?
It looks like I have some things to think about and work on. Year after year I feel like I want to change things, and it doesn't happen. How do I make it different this year?
2 comments:
Support is here! Yes, doing it for the glory of God is going to be the trick. Not that God is only glorified by skinny people. Perhaps it is that by being able to give Him credit your testimony about His day to day involvement and love in your life will be more impactful on someone who needs Him but hasn't allowed Him in their life yet.
And maybe your heart will be changed to not think of doing things in your own power, but allowing Him to use his power to create change in you. Sort of frightening and humbling to have to turn such a basic bodily function as eating over because we can't handle it on our own, but for me at least, that is the reality. I am not capable under my own power, no mater what program I put in place. Flying solo on this one doesn't work.
Our conversation last week stuck with me, and I'm ready to go whenever you are, but I have to do it under His power, not mine. If you are up for that, we can make a go of it.
Two more days and I'm going to be on your case about taking action, getting proactive, making motion, doing something. Are you going to be ready? Hehehehe! It is going to be a year we accomplish something in this whole body management arena.
Post a Comment