I didn't weigh myself this morning

But I am determined to hit that 5 lb loss mark!

The birthday party went well. I drank water - several glasses of water! It helped keep me feeling full. I also ate a few things, but kept it to a minimum... mostly celery with onion dip, which I actually found really satisfying! I had a few (5) seasoned mini pretzels, and half a piece of flourless chocolate cake.

Most of all, I recorded what I ate. And today, I decided to record what I ate again. I am actually struggling to get enough calories in, so that is my biggest thing right now. I am fighting against my mind, which says not to eat, because food equals weight gain. I know it's not true and can be detrimental, but I so DON'T want to give in to cravings that I swing the other way. For this reason, counting calories is good for me. It ensures that I get at least 1200 calories a day. Left to my own, I'd eat about 1000. That's about where I am right now, and I need to eat another 200 or so before I retire for the night.

I was going to skip the pot luck at church today because I didn't think I could have the self control to make wise choices. Guess what? I DID! I had protein-rich items, celery and onion dip (not as good as last night's!), and a couple glasses of water. Mostly I just enjoyed visiting with people and made it about the people instead of about the food. Success! That felt good!

What will feel even better is if I step on the scale in the morning and it is 146.8 or lower. The last weight I saw was yesterday and it was 148.8. Fluctuations are normal, I know, but it would be nice if the number on the scale would work with the date in my head to show me the results that I want. =D

I am headed to Kansas on Tuesday for my grandmother's funeral, so I probably won't be weighing myself after Tuesday morning until Friday when I am back. All the more reason to have a good weigh in on Tuesday morning! We'll see!

Small Victory

Today I went outside with Eliana to toss a baseball and practice catching. She wanted to do it. I dragged my feet. But in the end I went out with her and played ball. She was happy. I was happy. Not a whole lot of exercise, but it was a start. And a victory is a victory no matter how small!

Made to Crave

I have started reading "Made to Crave" by Lysa Terkurst. It is really helping me change my thinking about food and my food cravings and I am excited to delve deeper into what she says about food and cravings. I'm especially excited to start working through some of the questions and exercises she has at the end of every chapter. Right now I'm just doing a quick read-through and plan to dig deeper in February, but even just the quick read-through is helping my thought process.

I have also been thinking about tracking food again and am evaluating using My Fitness Pal as an alternative to Spark People. I haven't quite decided to switch, but I think the more important factor is trying to track again, consistently.

I have also been considering seeing a nutritionist through my Dr.'s office to get a good plan in place. I haven't made any decisions there, either, but it's something I'm considering.

I am discouraged by my weight a little bit, though I know the higher numbers are a direct reflection of how I've been eating lately. Half a bag of peanut m&m's here, a few small chocolate bars there... I crave, and then I binge. So just for today I have decided not to binge on what I'm craving. I can't speak for tomorrow, but TODAY that is what I've decided. When I am craving something, I can turn to God and He will provide the strength I need to get through the craving.

I have a birthday party tonight that I will be attending, and that is going to be challenging. It will be nice, though, when I come home victorious over my cravings and have had a good time WITHOUT the need for indulgence. I can just enjoy the company of good friends and fill up on the joy of celebrating a birthday instead of filling up on the empty satisfaction of cake. (I don't even know if there will be cake, I'm just assuming...)

And just for today, I am tracking my calories.

Bleh.

That's how I've been feeling in the evenings. Perhaps if I ate a little better after 3 pm I'd feel better.

I can do it!

Last night didn't go well. Eating was fine yesterday, but last night my friend came to model and we went to Plonk afterwards. I would have been fine to stick with one drink and a little of the cheese platter. Instead I had a drink and a half, part of the cheese platter (though not much because it was ALL goat or sheep cheese - blech!), and half (or more!) of a creme brulee trio. Ugh! I want to be frustrated with myself today, but the truth is that being frustrated won't do anything to go back and change yesterday. All I can do is make today a better one.

I can do this!

I CAN have a positive attitude.
I CAN adopt a healthy lifestyle.
I CAN forgive myself for past mistakes and make today a better one.
I CAN lose 20 lbs.

I have never lost 20 lbs before. The most I've ever lost is 15. But that doesn't mean it isn't doable. I CAN lose 20 lbs. And then I CAN lose 20 more. It won't be easy, but it can be done. And more than that, it can be done by ME!

Okay... forcing myself to get out of bed and leave the pity party behind me. Today is a new day, and it will be a GREAT one!

BMI... and thinking ahead.

You have a BMI of 28.67.

Your BMI is between 25 and 29.9 (Overweight)
People falling in this BMI range are considered overweight and would benefit from finding healthy ways to lower their weight, such as diet and exercise. Individuals who fall in this range are at increased risk for a variety of ilnesses. If your BMI is 27-29.99 your risk of health problems becomes higher. In a recent study an increased rate of blood pressure, diabetes and heart disease was recorded at 27.3 for women.

As I look at approaching my goal weight for this month, I need to also start thinking about what my next goal is. If I lose 5 lbs every month for a year, that's a total of... 60 lbs. I don't want to lose 60 lbs. So how am I going to calculate my goals for the year? Obviously, I could lose 40 lbs and then work on maintaining. But I think my first aim is to be healthy, which means reaching a BMI below 25. That means I am aiming for a weight of 127.8 as my first real bench-mark. That will bring me out of the Overweight category and into the Healthy Weight category. I will be just at the upper end of healthy weight, but that's my first bench-mark goal!

So... 127.8 lbs is 19 lbs from where I am now. If I lose 5 lbs in February, March, April, and May, that will take me to a healthy weight by the start of June. That sounds so far away! But perhaps that's because change takes time. So... I think I will stick with my 5 lbs a month goal and see where it gets me. 

Today's Weight...

This morning I got on the scale and it said 146.8... Woohoo! That's the lowest number I've seen yet this month!

That is officially 5 lbs (my goal weight loss for January), though there are sure to be fluctuations along the way, so we'll see how the month actually ends up! Either way, it was nice to see a lower number on the scale!

Happy Saturday!!