January 1, 2012

I should add that this is what I look like on January 1, 2012...

From Fashion Frenzy

That will give me a baseline to compare with as the year goes by!

This is what I'm trying to remember this year. Working out makes me feel good. 

I didn't work out today, but I did at least THINK about what I was eating. =D That's a good way to start out the year, right? Here's a basic breakdown of what I've consumed today:

Breakfast: None. I was in a hurry to get off to church (and we were still late!) so I skipped out on breakfast.

Snack: I ate one teeny tiny roll (think ping pong ball size) at church because curiosity got the better of me and I wanted to know what it tasted like!

Lunch: Leif made me a turkey sandwich on buttered toast for lunch. 

Snack: This is where I fell apart today... I had a banana, which was fine. Then I had an english muffin with butter and jam. That probably would have been fine, too, except that I followed it up with a large bowl of cinnamon swirl cereal. I'm thinking 3pm eating is not my friend.

Dinner: We just finished dinner and I had a baked potato with butter and salt. 

So... my thoughts on food for today are... I shouldn't skip breakfast, but I did. 3pm eating is dangerous for me and where I will likely fall apart during the day. I probably had too much butter, since it was a part of 3 meals/snacks today. Also, I didn't have any vegetables today. Hmmm... 

Now, before I go, I should also say that I actually dared to step on the scale this morning first thing, and kind of wish I hadn't. But I did. I needed to. And I'm pretty sure I weigh now what I weighed at the end of my pregnancy with Eliana. My waist is officially the same size as Leif's, since I had to borrow his old snow pants as mine no longer fit. I officially weigh 151.8 lbs according to my scale this morning, and would really like to see myself 40 lbs lighter by this time next year. I don't know if that will happen, but that's what I would like. I don't have a plan right now for how it's going to happen, but it will have to be a combination of eating better and exercising. DUH. But as for how I'm going to do it, I don't know. I don't really want to count calories or points, and I don't know that I want to lock myself into an unrealistic workout schedule, so I'm trying to figure out what I want to do.  But that's where I am. 

So, now that I'm feeling depressed after that last paragraph, maybe I should go hop on the treadmill for a while. After all, I'm only one workout away from a good mood!!

*frown*

I am frustrated with my weight. I don't like thinking about it. I want to do something about it, but I am sure that I am going to fail. Again. And then I am reminded that I shouldn't be working on losing weight for Leif or myself or my daughter, but for the Lord. And then I wonder why my weight matters to the Lord. I realize that it's not the weight that matters to Him, but whether or not I am healthy enough to do what He asks me to do, no matter what that is. I know that my weight is related to my health, but it is frustrating. Sometimes I just want to scream and then cry and give up before I've begun. But when has giving up ever been glorifying to God? Doesn't He ask us to run with perseverance the race before us?

SIGH.

I suppose it's time I put my running shoes on. I don't want to. But it wouldn't be the first time I worked with perseverance toward something I didn't want to do.

I have some underlying issues that are beginning to surface that I know I will need to deal with if I am ever going to make progress in this area. I have a feeling I am ready to deal with them, but that the dealing won't necessarily be easy, so I will be looking for support.

What if my weight issues aren't related to calories so much as they are related to how much I pay attention to what is going into my mouth and why? What if I don't have to count every calorie and calculate every point? Would I succeed long term if I simply changed my habits? If I learned to downsize my portions and adopt healthier lifestyle choices? What if Eliana and I walked to school, went iceskating more, danced around the house together, and played more active games? What if instead of making cookies together we made dinner together? What if I walked to the mailbox instead of picking up the mail when I drove by? What if I walked on the treadmill when making calls like I have done and enjoyed before?

It looks like I have some things to think about and work on. Year after year I feel like I want to change things, and it doesn't happen. How do I make it different this year?

The Goal

The goal is being my healthiest for the glory of God. I am His vessel, to be used as He chooses, and I am to be prepared for whatever He calls me to do - that includes being healthy enough to do His will when and where He calls me to do something.

Coffee Date

Had a coffee date with a friend today at Weebees. She suggested we walk there from my house, so we did. It was fun! I'm calling that my exercise for today... 2 miles of speed walking. Sounds good to me!

Body Attack

At the suggestion of a friend of mine, I attended a Body Attack class at The Ridge this morning. It was 55 minutes of high energy butt-kicking, but it was FUN! I would like to attend every Saturday morning. That would be fun! I definitely am out of shape, but that was a good way to burn 500+ calories! Here's a video I found that gives a good idea of what Body Attack is like...

One of the things that I liked is that you keep moving ALL class long, even if you are out of breath. They have variations on the moves so you can do them no matter what. Just keep moving! Definitely not as scary as I thought it was going to be for a beginner. I'd go back!

Didn't make it....

I had coughing fits all day yesterday any time I exerted myself at all, so I decided not to go to the step class @ the gym. This cold is kicking my rear. I'm off to Chico for the MK retreat this weekend, so hopefully I'll be able to hit the gym when I return.