This week was a struggle...

I weighed in at 149.0 this morning, so I am down a little, but the biggest struggle this week has been in my mind. I hit a certain point in the day and it's all I can do not to eat everything in sight. Not healthy foods, either! I finished off some chocolate I found. I ate several packages of snacks in one sitting. I didn't exercise. It's been a rough week.

It's hard to make a mental shift, but I have to remember that this is ABOUT making a mental shift, not about the number on the scale. The number on the scale only tells me if what's going on in my head is impacting my body in a positive way.

So here's to a better week. Here's to a week of PURPOSEFUL PLANNING and PERSISTENCE toward my goal.

A week into the new year

Here we are a week into the new year and I am still feeling good about my changing eating habits. While certainly not perfect, I am making progress. I weighed in at 149.2, which means I'm down 2.5 lbs this week. Woohoo! 2.5 lbs to go and I will have made my goal for the month of January!

Let's See...

The week is going well!! I have been weighing myself daily and my weight log looks something like this so far...

1/1 - 151.8
1/2 - 150.6
1/3 - 149.8
1/4 - 147.8
1/5 - 149.6

So I am losing weight, even if it is just the initial water weight, it's something! It shows progress!

I am currently on the treadmill, at 55 minutes, working my way toward an hour of walking today!

Eating is good. I ate a little more than I would have last night since we had date night at the Pickle Barrel, but still it was not too bad. A half turkey and provolone.

In general I am not counting calories specifically, but I am exercising moderation at meals, thinking about what is going into my body and when. I generally eat breakfast, lunch, an afternoon snack, and dinner. I've been drinking about a liter of water a day, and would like to get that up to 2 liters soon.

I'm not kicking myself for what I did yesterday, or planning out what I can do better tomorrow, I am simply working on making the best choices today, right now. So far it seems to be going well.

I actually feel free right now. I am free to make whatever choices I want, knowing that each choice has a consequence, be it good or bad. Do I REALLY want to take a sip of pop? If so, I just need to know that there are consequences. That allowed me to take 2 sips yesterday, but not drink the entire pop or get one for myself. I was happy just having a little of Leif's. I wasn't deprived, I was just... moderate.

I am working on adjusting my thinking as a whole, instead of just working toward balance in only one area of my life. So far it seems to be good. My home is functioning better, it is a more peaceful place, and I have been happier this week. Happier as in content. It's a good place to be.

I'm not promising daily updates or anything here, though prompting me through comments will probably get you an update, and that is good. =D I have learned that one thing I rebel against is the strict schedules I try to hold myself to, so I am working toward a balanced approach of updating when I remember and when it fits with my overall schedule. I am TRULY working on a principle of progress this year, instead of working toward perfection.

Update...

Just hopped on the treadmill for an hour! I walked at a moderate pace and entered stuff into my computer and burned 200 calories. Woot! If I do this every day it would make a difference! The time certainly flies when I'm walking and busily doing something else, too!

January 1, 2012

I should add that this is what I look like on January 1, 2012...

From Fashion Frenzy

That will give me a baseline to compare with as the year goes by!

This is what I'm trying to remember this year. Working out makes me feel good. 

I didn't work out today, but I did at least THINK about what I was eating. =D That's a good way to start out the year, right? Here's a basic breakdown of what I've consumed today:

Breakfast: None. I was in a hurry to get off to church (and we were still late!) so I skipped out on breakfast.

Snack: I ate one teeny tiny roll (think ping pong ball size) at church because curiosity got the better of me and I wanted to know what it tasted like!

Lunch: Leif made me a turkey sandwich on buttered toast for lunch. 

Snack: This is where I fell apart today... I had a banana, which was fine. Then I had an english muffin with butter and jam. That probably would have been fine, too, except that I followed it up with a large bowl of cinnamon swirl cereal. I'm thinking 3pm eating is not my friend.

Dinner: We just finished dinner and I had a baked potato with butter and salt. 

So... my thoughts on food for today are... I shouldn't skip breakfast, but I did. 3pm eating is dangerous for me and where I will likely fall apart during the day. I probably had too much butter, since it was a part of 3 meals/snacks today. Also, I didn't have any vegetables today. Hmmm... 

Now, before I go, I should also say that I actually dared to step on the scale this morning first thing, and kind of wish I hadn't. But I did. I needed to. And I'm pretty sure I weigh now what I weighed at the end of my pregnancy with Eliana. My waist is officially the same size as Leif's, since I had to borrow his old snow pants as mine no longer fit. I officially weigh 151.8 lbs according to my scale this morning, and would really like to see myself 40 lbs lighter by this time next year. I don't know if that will happen, but that's what I would like. I don't have a plan right now for how it's going to happen, but it will have to be a combination of eating better and exercising. DUH. But as for how I'm going to do it, I don't know. I don't really want to count calories or points, and I don't know that I want to lock myself into an unrealistic workout schedule, so I'm trying to figure out what I want to do.  But that's where I am. 

So, now that I'm feeling depressed after that last paragraph, maybe I should go hop on the treadmill for a while. After all, I'm only one workout away from a good mood!!

*frown*

I am frustrated with my weight. I don't like thinking about it. I want to do something about it, but I am sure that I am going to fail. Again. And then I am reminded that I shouldn't be working on losing weight for Leif or myself or my daughter, but for the Lord. And then I wonder why my weight matters to the Lord. I realize that it's not the weight that matters to Him, but whether or not I am healthy enough to do what He asks me to do, no matter what that is. I know that my weight is related to my health, but it is frustrating. Sometimes I just want to scream and then cry and give up before I've begun. But when has giving up ever been glorifying to God? Doesn't He ask us to run with perseverance the race before us?

SIGH.

I suppose it's time I put my running shoes on. I don't want to. But it wouldn't be the first time I worked with perseverance toward something I didn't want to do.

I have some underlying issues that are beginning to surface that I know I will need to deal with if I am ever going to make progress in this area. I have a feeling I am ready to deal with them, but that the dealing won't necessarily be easy, so I will be looking for support.

What if my weight issues aren't related to calories so much as they are related to how much I pay attention to what is going into my mouth and why? What if I don't have to count every calorie and calculate every point? Would I succeed long term if I simply changed my habits? If I learned to downsize my portions and adopt healthier lifestyle choices? What if Eliana and I walked to school, went iceskating more, danced around the house together, and played more active games? What if instead of making cookies together we made dinner together? What if I walked to the mailbox instead of picking up the mail when I drove by? What if I walked on the treadmill when making calls like I have done and enjoyed before?

It looks like I have some things to think about and work on. Year after year I feel like I want to change things, and it doesn't happen. How do I make it different this year?