Weigh in and Run in!

I weighed in today at 147.6. Back to 4lbs lost.

I ran C25K week 2, day 1 today! I didn't run at all last week, so I'm happy to have gotten this in... next run is Wednesday!! I can do this...

And now, I took a picture of what I looked like at the end of my run. I can't believe I'm going to post this, because this is really NOT what I want to look like. But I am committed to making a change, and if visual proof of my progress (or lack thereof) is what will help, I will do it. Here's my post treadmill picture at 147.6 lbs...

From Body Clutter

Oh, and I did eat breakfast. I am out of my slim fast shakes, so I made myself a peanut butter banana chocolate protein shake. It was great! It was also over 500 calories I found out... LOL! Good thing I burned over 200 on my run so it evened out to a 300 calorie breakfast. I think a light lunch will be in order! But not until I shower and get ready for the day!

It's 11am and I haven't eaten breakfast yet.

Which means I haven't gotten a lot of what I want to do today done yet!! I had great visions of getting laundry done, running in, etc. I'm still in my PJ's.

BUT I am going to get up, weigh myself, eat some breakfast, and run right now. I can't change the last few hours, but I CAN change what happens in the next hour!

Valentine's Day

WARNING: Not the happiest post ever. I have some fears, negative thoughts that surface in certain situations, and so I'm going to record them here. Just so you know.

I should be happy that I got flowers on Valentine's Day. No, I AM happy that I got flowers on Valentine's Day. But what I really want is BEAUTIFUL flowers from my husband today, to remind me that he thinks I'm beautiful. Except that he doesn't, and I know that. I'm thankful that he includes out daughter in picking out gifts for me. But when I see the flowers that my 5 year old picked out and my husband gave me, it just reminds me, once again, that I am overweight and too big to be beautiful in his eyes. Perhaps if I were smaller he would think I was pretty. No, I KNOW that if I were smaller he would think I was pretty.

So, Valentine's Day is hard for me. People think that if you have a spouse, or someone to love, then Valentine's Day is a beautiful thing. And, in some ways it is. I have a beautiful daughter and a husband who LOVES me. I have no doubt that he loves me. But today is a reminder that he doesn't think I'm pretty and it's because I'm overweight. And that is hard to deal with. Sometimes it makes me want to stuff my face with food. Today it makes me want to starve myself. Neither is a healthy option. I hate that the healthy option is to feed my body what it needs, and starve the cravings and emotional wants. I just want to be free from this battle! But I'm not. So I can keep fighting, or I can surrender. If I surrender, I will never be beautiful. I will never get roses. I will never be seen as pretty by the man I love. So... I keep fighting. Sometimes I lose a skirmish here and there, but in the end I hope to win the battle.

Not the best week ever...

I don't know if it was stress, or starting to get sick, or laziness, or what, but this was not the best week for me. Monday and Tuesday were fine. Wednesday was a bad day of giving in to lots of tempting foods, and even making bad food decisions just because. Not good. Thursday and Friday were spent trying to recover from that day, and finding it hard to not give in. Saturday wasn't too bad, but I haven't been recording my food.

Today I weighed myself and, surprise, surprise, found my weight up. 147.6

I am choosing to record my food today.

The good news:

* We are going skiing today as a family!

* I actually FIT into my ski pants that I couldn't wear a month ago!! (Mind you, I'm not drinking anything while we ski, because if I have to go to the bathroom I'm not sure I'll get them off and then on again! LOL!)

* I did 2 days of my C25K workout this week! Yesterday I was going to do the 3rd, but spent the whole day in bed trying to rest up and get rid of this head cold that is making me miserable.

* This head cold is not going to keep me from skiing with my family today, though I will be paying for it tomorrow.

C25K day 1!!

Today I did the C25K week 1 day 1 workout! I am proud of myself for doing it, and amazed that it wasn't as hard as I thought it was going to be! Yay!!

In other news, I weighed in at 145.8 again today! Officially 6 lbs lost! Woot!

Today a NEW LOW!

According to my scale, I have now lost 6 lbs since the beginning of January. WOOOHOOO! That is very exciting! I am hoping to get down to 10 lbs lost by the end of February, keeping with my 5 lbs a month goal.

Today I had Slimfast for breakfast, and then after church Leif's parents wanted to take us out to eat. They took us to the Panda Buffet. I was cautious about what I chose, and ate much less than I normally would have. I had some fried rice, a couple sweet and sour chicken bits, a tiny bit of honey chicken, etc. I chose "tastes" of things rather than "servings" of things. I didn't have ice cream or dessert, and instead chose fruit and a little tapioca pudding for dessert. To keep myself honest, though, I did keep track of approximate measurements of what I was eating, and I did write them down. Then, after the meal I entered them into my program, just to see where I was for the day.

OY!

Who knew that you could eat 1,000 calories in a single meal when you were being CAUTIOUS!? How many calories did I consume all of the other times I've eaten at a Chinese buffet?? It's sort of horrifying to think!

I'm not kicking myself, or pouting about the calories. If I want to eat more in my day, I just need to exercise more. But it was a shock to see just how many calories could be consumed without even trying. It was nice to eat out with family. It was nice to enjoy the food. But it was also nice to recognize the impact that that sort of meal can have if I am not careful. Today I am wiser!!

And I may have the tiniest dinner ever. LOL!

Update....

I figured out how to change my starting weight on My Fitness Pal! It is now an accurate loss on my badge on the site as well as on the ticker on the side of my blog! ------------------------------------->


Woohooooo!