Need to get back on track...

... but I've been so busy lately it's just been too difficult for me to even think about counting calories, exercising, or anything like that.

Still, I need to make it a priority. Ask me in a week how making it a priority is going....

Tortilla Soup

That's what we had for dinner tonight. It was really good! Especially since I didn't use a recipe! (I was really hoping it would turn out...) I made it in the crock pot, too, so it took minimal effort. I love that! Here's basically what I did...

1 can of cream of chicken soup (I might use a second next time, or a bigger can)
1 can of corn (I would use two next time)
1 can of black beans (I would use two next time)
2 or more banana peppers, chopped (you could also use a can of green chilies)
1 packet taco seasoning

I put all that in the crock pot on low all day. Then I spooned it into bowls, added a handful of tortilla chips, about 1/4 cup of shredded cheddar, and a dollop of sour cream. It was good!! Even Ellie ate it, which is saying something!

Cube Steak with Feta

It sounds gross. It really does. But.... it was really good!

I ordered the menu mailer a while back and haven't really used it since my subscription expired. I got a year's worth of recipes (including nutritional information) and I printed them all out and put them in a binder. Some of the recipes I liked, and some I am just too lazy to make. But this one was easy. I didn't follow it exactly, but here's what I did...

I seasoned two cube steaks with paprika (both sides) and pan fried them in some garlic oil. Then, when they were cooked through, I pulled them off the heat, sprinkled feta over the top, and put the lid on the pan to keep the heat in while the feta melted.

Like I said, it sounds gross, but it was pretty good. I'm glad, too, because I'm sure there's another couple cube steaks in our freezer from the portion of a cow we purchased a couple months ago.

As a side dish I made mashed sweet potatoes. I wanted regular mashed potatoes, but we didn't have any white potatoes and we DID have 2 sweet potatoes that were going to go bad if I didn't use them soon. Not a bad side! I did put butter and salt on mine (as I would have done with a regular potato, though perhaps not as much since these had their own flavor already) and it was good! Full of vitamins, too, which is always good.

So that was our dinner tonight. We followed it up with some hot chocolate, which was just perfect for a cool fall evening. Yum!

Dinner Tonight....

From the Body-Clutter Menu Mailer we're having Cube Steaks with Bleu Cheese. Except that I'm substituting Feta for the bleu cheese. Quick, easy, and relatively healthy. And it uses ingredients I already have on hand and thawed.

One day at a time....

Self control?

Pretty much gone this week. And that's a sign I need to deal with more than just my eating. It's a sign that I've already lost all the self control in the other areas of my life.

Stink.

I hate it when that happens.

So I'm back to trying to stay on top of things. Prioritizing. Making lists. Using a timer. Flylady. Menu planning. Eating right.

I haven't gained that much weight, but my weight has gone up in the past week. I've been binge comfort food eating. And that usually means I'm at the bottom. So... it's time for a change. It's time to head back up!

eeeeEEEEEK!

That's an excited squeal. Because when I weighed this morning I was at 114.6!! That's under 115!! That's a new low number for me!!! =D

I still haven't decided on my "content" weight. I am happy at 115, but I think it's the upper end of where I'm happy, so I will still work toward 110 so I have a little wiggle room in my contentment window. =D Because right now I am not happy with my weight if I gain 2 lbs, which is easy to do in daily weight fluctuations. If I fluctuated between 110 and 112 I'd still be happy, where I'm not between 115 and 117, so I think I'll still aim for 110, at least right now. But I'm not going to pursue it like I have in the past, with counting every calorie, etc. I'm going to work on my moderation and making healthy choices.

Contentment?

I have a number in my head, a goal that I have been working toward. That number is 110, about 5 lbs from where I am now. And yet I can't seem to get past 115, nor can I seem to find the motivation to get past 115. And so it makes my wonder why.

Is it because I am content at 115?

I admit that I am happy with how I look at this weight. It is within the healthy range for my height and frame, and I feel attractive. So why isn't this my goal weight?

I think a large part of it is because I want to "one-up" a friend from college who is at 115 and happy there. I want to beat her weight, just to prove that I can. I was always just a tad smaller than her in college and I want to be there again. Somehow I feel that that will "redeem" me for being overweight the last 7 years. She made a comment once that hurt and stuck with me, and I just want to prove that I'm not the "big" one of the group any longer. But I don't think that's a healthy reason for wanting to get down to 110. Something I need to deal with? Yes. Something I need to use as motivation for weight loss? No.

Part of my reason for wanting to be 110 is because it is one step closer to the weight I was when I got married. If I can get down to 110 I can get down to 105, and that's what I weighed when I wore my beautiful wedding dress. I would love to get down to that size again!

Part of my reason, too, is that I feel like I ought to be the "ideal" weight for my height and frame, according to the doctor's charts. And for 5 feet tall, small frame, that is 100 lbs. So I just keep setting my goal 5 lbs lower each time I reach it in hopes that someday I will be down to 100 lbs again. Then I would be not just average, but small. And oh, I do miss being small!

So I guess what I need to figure out is if I really need to strive to be smaller, or if I should simply strive for daily moderation and healthy living and be content with my weight and size. I guess I need to rethink my reasons behind wanting to lose weight and make sure that they are honorable and right. At what point do I start trying to maintain my weight instead of lose it?