I just took my pill, and it reminded me that I wanted to expand a little on why I take that little blue pill each morning. While it is an anti-depressant (specifically an SSRI), it was prescribed to offset the symptoms of PMDD, not to work as an anti-depressant. As my doctor explained, if it were being prescribed for depression, I'd be on 350 mg or so. Because it is being used to balance out my hormones and alleviate the PMDD symptoms, I am on 50 mg.
So... it basically just brings me back to neutral, which means that the rest of the decisions and motivations I face throughout the day are unaffected. Those are things I get to work on myself. =D
Some days when I forget to take my pill, I notice a sluggishness, but that's about it. The other day I forgot my pill (the day I started my period) and I was in full PMDD force. I felt completely out of control, thought people were out to get me, I was up, I was down, I felt panicky and like my life was spinning out from under me. Yesterday (at the end of my period) we were in a rush to get to the airport after sleeping in and I forgot to take my pill (I'd actually already packed them in this case) until I got unpacked that evening at my parents' house. I felt fine. I was productive. I used the layover time at the airport to make MK calls and get my team members set up with directors in the new towns they are moving to. I take my pill everyday because it if I don't it will take me about 2 days to have it be really effective after being off it for a while. On the days that I am PMDDish, I notice if I am a couple hours late taking it. On the days that I am out of the PMDD zone, it doesn't affect me nearly as much.
So... that's kind of the story for why I am on anti-depressants and why they don't keep me from being "depressed" even though they do help me not feel out of control and like the world is out to get me. =D
2 comments:
Okay, that makes sense. My 2+2 was equaling 4.5, which is not quite right, now is it.
Self discipline is something that I fall flat on my face with routinely. So I understand your struggle, but I have no idea how to be victorious over it.
Chris Blackmore one had a sermon about spiritual disciplines, and it made me cringe, not becuase I didn't agree with him, but because I recognized what an utter failure I am.
Whatever Paul fought daily could not have been worse than my daily fight with a lack of self discipline. But the hopeful part of that is that God loved him (Paul) and love me anyways.
By the way, by "worse" I mean more sinful, not more painful or harder to overcome. I'm not down playing Paul's thron.
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